The Spinster's Exploits

Sex, sensuality and possibly spanking after seventy…

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The Spinster is a 70-year-old South Walian who doesn’t believe sex, sensuality and fun stop at seventy. There is more to growing old disgracefully than wearing purple 💜- although she does love purple! She considers herself to have dual sexuality as she loves vanilla but something gets unleashed when she is spanked by the right person… She is excited to have reached this significant milestone and thrilled to discover erotic possibilities can be there for the taking. Oh! And she can be a touch up herself and talk about herself in the third person – but nothing a good spanking won’t cure!😉🤭

  • Reawakening the Mojo: from there to here

    I have considered myself for some time to have dual sexuality. I know I have a kink but I adore vanilla sex.

    I had fantasised about spanking and being spanked since junior school and when I finally masturbated for the first time at nineteen – I was a late starter! – the subject was only spanking – that sometimes led to sex – and remained so for decades.

    Meanwhile I had discovered shared sensuality firstly with fumblings of the usual clumsiness, and then developing skills while attempting successfully to hang on to my virginity until 18. And into the mid-1970s I loved a lot about sex and I loved the power of being desired. Fucking was sexy but non-orgasmic and more about erotic power over my lover and exciting sensations.

    I was very aware of sexuality and possibility and had a lovely time with some fabulous men who figured out how my body worked and all was lovely in Vanilla Land for some time

    Being single in my late thirties in the1990s was a time of reflection. An awareness of the complexities of sexuality, women’s desires and fantasies had not passed me by. I decided I wanted a new partner and would bite the bullet and admit to having fantasies I’d previously found perverse and guilt-making – I would advertise for a partner and mention that I was interested in being spanked.

    I did meet some men and I did get my first experience at the “wrong” end of a cane which was exhilarating. But then I fell for a gorgeous vanilla man. The sex and sensuality were heady and I considered myself fortunate and assumed we would be together into our twilight years – as did he.

    And when things changed for us and I had challenges to my mental health, I chose to turn to creative writing as a means of recovery. My story writing led me to a hidden ambition – writing spanking erotica. After all – I had had complex stories of exasperated men and exasperating women  dancing in my head for decades.

    The words flowed and I felt myself nudged by my libido and the return of my mojo. And then in my late forties and the owner of a computer with access to the Internet my curiosity about others with similar tastes was piqued. I posted some writing and found my tribe. I learnt about brats and subs and schoolies. I leapt into the pit and debated whether spanking was sexual and if it was nature or nurture and discovered the anoraks with their debates about rattan canes and the horror of bamboo and so much more.

    And I began my fifties in a fully integrated sexual and spanking relationship. And it was bliss. My dual sexuality braided itself and I found myself in the happy position of not knowing whether I wanted a caning, fucking or an orgasm the most, and not caring as all were delightful. After five amazing years we parted on good terms due to external difficulties that made our relationship more and more challenging.

    By now I had fully embraced the Internet and discovered the joys and frustrations of Internet dating. I have met some delightful men from a spanking site, a “straight” dating site and also from get-togethers of those into spanking and or BDSM.  I saw this as a polyamorous phase of my life. I felt I could only have a full-on relationship with a spanker and with mutual love but had the capacity to enjoy vanilla and/or spanking relationships of a more casual nature.

    And after a dry spell – internet dating is hugely frustrating – I entered my sixties really missing vanilla. Despite my non-orgasmic response to fucking, I did enjoy it. And while my fantasies were still spanking based, I had lots of passing thoughts about very energetic fucking…

    I was fortunate to find several lovely vanilla men and my sixties were very satisfying. One delightful relationship even saw me through Covid and provided us both with a fabulous ‘bubble’ when so many struggled with such hard times.

    I had been open with my vanilla lovers about my dual sexuality, and had incorporated spanking into some of them, but there was always a self-consciousness for me. Although they enjoyed it, it seemed to be about experimentation and transgression, and I was happy to let it lapse.

    I reached my 70th birthday in 2025 after a period of undesired celibacy and missing sex and sensuality. I considered myself to still have my dual sexuality and enjoyed the nudge of my libido as a reminder that I was still alive and firing on all cylinders.

    Meanwhile internet dating had got overwhelmingly ‘swipey’ and even the one I favoured with profiles wanted me to swipe regularly or be deactivated. I looked around but felt disheartened. I did feel however, I needed to be proactive. So I told friends I was interested in finding a lover/lovers and jokingly asked the Goddess and the Universe to provide…And as I had a profile still on a kink site I thought I could give things a nudge there as well. So, I added some discreet pictures and posted some writing to show I was still alive and had some chats and met – and nearly met – some frustrating men – the joys of internet dating once again…

    Although the idea of spanking still excited me, I felt I was more vanilla now. I was concerned about how I presented myself and changed my ‘status’ from ‘spankee’ to ‘hedonist’ and described myself as polyamorous as I did not have an overwhelming urge for an exclusive relationship – just lovely, friendly sex with nice men.

    And after my frustrating meets and non-meets I gave myself a severe talking to and attended a ‘munch’ – a place for people from the site to meet and mingle. I knew from past experiences these opportunities can be friendly and /or cliquey but I had nothing to lose other than a few hours of awkwardness at worst. Feeling so unkinky after all my time in the pleasurable playgrounds of Vanilla Land didn’t help.

    And I met a sub man whose interest was dominant women.  And I liked him. And he seemed interested. And I said I was a spankee and interested in a sexual relationship and he still seemed interested. Being surrounded by kinky people made me very conscious of my recent history.

    I was very attracted to my sub man and may have protested too much about my vanilla nature and worried about whether sex would be enticing and interesting enough. It seemed it was.

    As a holder of dual sexuality, Vanilla just felt safer. And despite a high level of trust from meeting, common sense told me that leaving the hitty things in the wardrobe was sensible for our first time alone.

    And I discovered a very sensual partner who enjoyed giving and receiving pleasure and was able to make me weak at the knees with desire and satisfaction. I did worry about his needs being met, although he seemed quite contented and had a Domme well able to satisfy the itches I couldn’t. And we both appeared to love sex and sensuality and find pleasure in each other. And I was truly delighted at the return of my mojo.

    But with a lover who knew I was a spankee; and with a lot of toys in my wardrobe and chest; and the odd playful squeeze or slap – I couldn’t help wonder and fantasize. And it just seemed silly not to see how out of practice I was at being spanked and caned… And my delightful lover saw all activity as fun and pleasure and was very open to trying new things as I soon discovered as the toybox was well and truly explored.

    And while still insisting I am a spankee not a sub, rediscovering the shivery pleasure of losing my will and bending to another’s on the strength of a kiss, a caress or the bite of a cane was intoxicating.

    And I acknowledged that I love vanilla and I love being spanked, And I am lucky to have my dual sexuality, but it is the blending and the braiding of sex and spanking that brings me fully alive.

    And it is so much more than my libido that has returned to me at the start of my seventies. Once again my dual sexuality has braided itself and I find myself pinned down with lust and desire and that half-remembered joy of not knowing whether I wanted a caning, fucking or an orgasm but knowing all are intoxicating possibilities. And this confusion – that is my true and integrated mojo – is well and truly back.

    And as the images dance in my head, so do the words and ideas as my creative juices also join the party, And they too become part of the joyful circle and positive feedback loop of sex, spanking and writing that add a further strand to the braid of my mojo and brings me fully to life.

    P.s. I didn’t choose to underline, but can’t alter as I’ve not yet got the skills. I am, however, happy with the emphasis.

  • bad habits….

    Well it’s 1.51 pm and I should be asleep but I’m emotionally skittish and couldn’t sleep so decided on some distraction.

    Wonder if this lovely, inoffensive and fairly vacuous post will get liked as did similar thrilling post. Seems my other stuff is not at all popular….

    I wish you all love and good stuff. Take care. xxx

  • SF and Spanking – Dick to Heinlein via Banks….

    I love some of the novels by Philip K Dick – dodgy on women, but amazing imagination and thoughts on the condition of man/the male of the species as well as flowing prose.

    Michael Sheen actually championed Dick on “Great Lives” and like me is a fan of “Do Androids…” and “Flow My Tears The Policeman Said”. Interesting background stuff about drugs, times, and dead twin. Like idea of Sheen using Dick as part of inspiration for Lear.

    I read my first Banks on a friend’s recommendation – “The Algebraist” – but it was a struggle. So I was considering a Dick (provide your own rudery here) but got waylaid by Heinlein instead. I had “Stranger in a Strange Land” on the kindle and whizzed through it – forgotten what a page turner he is. I’ve not read him for decades (literally) – he tended to do short adventure pulp SF tales and long more philosophical bricks of novels. I enjoyed “Stranger” which was about an earthling brought up martian who believed in ritual canibalism. As a result of enjoying it so much – especially after Banks! -I then read print version of “Time Enough for Love” about an elderly male brain being transplanted into a young woman.

    Heinlein has some very dodgy sexual politics that seem based on a fifties fantasy of horny men and willing women – very macho, but at least – unlike Dick – he likes them, even if they are very much fantasy women who fall for difficult crotchety old men…

    Oh! Did I mention the spanking? From my closeted (is there such a word?!) days I remember the thrill from the threatened spankings that seem to crop up in his stories – all part of the fifties fantasy of macho men and sassy girls who like being bossed around. In “Time Enough…” there is an actual spanking and a fair amount of spanking talk.

  • What do women want?

    If you’re looking for the definitive answer, I apologise as I don’t have it!

    That marvellous – and perplexing “debate” arises regularly when editors have a space to fill in the Sunday supplements or lifestyle section of papers – I remember it being brought up by women reading “Shades of Grey” and the “Twilight” novels in 2012 –  the days before the pornification of culture and the porn explosion and I wrote about it at the time.

    Basically, a chap being all confused because he was new and modern and into equality but now women wanted to be dominated… In fairness he was amusing but it felt old hat despite the modern references.

    And – surprise, surprise – there was a woman saying just because we have fantasies doesn’t mean we’re doormats in real life – we can tell difference between real life and fantasy, thanks very much – an excellent message that was good to see. Something that modern women seem to have grasped and find liberating with no qualms about internalised oppression and other concerns that I and others have had – and all power to modern women!

    She then came up with – surprise, surprise (2) – the idea that women are now so grown up, responsible and busy it is no wonder we/they want to have fantasies about rich, powerful men telling us/them what to do… I remember reading such amazingly original thoughts about High Court Judges and politicians who visited dominatrixes or liked being adult babies decades ago.

    I’m sure there’s something in the escapism from responsibility idea and people (women and men) who toy with such fantasies and sometimes act on them or are thrilled by such tales may well be seeking something “other”.

    But in my experience (as someone with submissive fantasies who has met others with similar feelings) that’s not really the whole picture for many. Seeds of such fantasies/desires are sown very early and most who see BDSM as part of their identity appear to have known about it throughout their life.

    Of course people toy with lots of ideas/fantasies/experiences to enrich their sex lives or stave off boredom and that’s great. So whether you fancy swinging, dogging, a little light spanking or one of these apparently modern crazes like anal sex or hairless pubes – great! Go for it and have fun. But for some it’s not about a jaded palate or a search for novelty – the power dynamic of BDSM is about who they are – not all of them – but a significant and important part of their identity.

    So what do women want? Still a good question. And the men? Whatever it is let’s hope they get it!

  • Good habits

    I do tend to lack these! But vey pleased to have posted by 8a.m. and having drunk a glass of water! A good start to the day.

  • Of canes and anoraks…

    …OK – an anorak test – Did you know that anorak used not to be an acceptable word in Scrabble as it was listed as a foreign word? So now I’ve proved I too am an anorak in the current meaning of the word, what’s this about canes?! And where do the anoraks come into it?

    If your fantasy is caning an anorak-clad woman while wearing your favourite sensible jacket I must apologise for misleading you and letting you down. I want to talk about canes and gently tease those who get a bit precious about their equipment (moving on hastily and doing my best to resist an obvious double entendre…).

    When I had my first spanking relationship, I saw myself as a softie and fantasised about canes, but I did start to wonder about the ‘real thing’. I was too nervous to buy a real cane, so like many, started off with a garden cane. As I’d read stuff on spanking sites, I did know this wasn’t recommended. I was sensible, but private and wanted to start somewhere. I told my then partner he had to read up on caning before he tried it and he did. We knew that garden canes may break (which is why ‘proper’ canes, usually made of rattan are recommended) but as we were only just experimenting, he wasn’t planning on using tremendous force.

    We found the right levels for us and it was all terribly exciting and did me no lasting damage. We both found something very thrilling and erotic about the cane. I then felt courageous enough to buy my first cane – from Ann Summers! Now I know people can be very sniffy about buying stuff from non-specialists, but it was a terribly exciting first step. He then bought a second, slightly heavier cane from the wonderfully named ‘Little Amsterdam’! Sadly this fabled emporium of soft drug and sex paraphernalia no longer graces the streets of that famous Amsterdam of Wales – Neath!

    I couldn’t resist joining in serious noticeboard discussions on real canes and a maker and purveyor of ‘the real thing’ did explain to me at length that mine were probably made of rattan and there were hundereds of types of rattan. If you want more of the techie stuff, others are better qualified than me to provide it.

    Sadly, my A.S cane did break, but being enterprising, my other half simply cut it down so we had a cane that could be used at closer quarters rather effectively.While I think safety and common sense are important, I don’t think one needs a safety certificate to smack a bottom! So my advice is play safe and have fun, but don’t feel you have to attend a masterclass before you can experiment. On the other hand, if you do fancy a masterclass fetish fairs and events can oblige.

    Of course times have changed. I was considering buying some new lingerie and visited Love Honey on line – and couldn’t resist a peek at spanking implements. And then I saw the ads from Amazon who in their march to world domination decided to show me some canes, whips and a very interesting strap – Apparently I could use these for training my horse or in the bedroom!

  • I am so not surrendered…

    …but as fanatasy – Wow!!!! (the internal world of a spankee)

    [sigh] it’s all that naughty, impossible, challenging wife/girlfriend/potential wife or grlfriend stuff that formulated my young fantasies (and confused and troubled me as a feminist!)

    If anybody tried this on me for real – or told me this was the correct oreder of things – I’d freak, but absolutely the stuff of my fantasies. The idea of a man pulling me over his knee, spanking me, raising my skirt, more spanking, pulling down my knickers while telling me exactly what he’s doing and planning and spanking my bare bottom and I am competely helpless – wow. And if I can get out of it with an apology or similar, but somehow can’t – ooooohhh…

    And then be told to bend over table, and reluctantly/defiantly/apprehensively/helplessly (can’t decide) comply and have my bottom still bare or knickers pulled back up only to have them lowered again and be bared while he removes hs belt and tells me exactly what he’s planning to do and I may even find out about the cane in the cupboard… Hmmm…

    May need to lie down in a darkened room…

  • Sex and Spanking – Chicken or Egg…

    I’d like to start with a mini-rant and registering my objection to the term foreplay! I think all that fabulous stuff one can do is sex play and lovemaking in itself rather than a lead to something else.

    And so as one of the fabulous things you can do is spank or be spanked, then I see it as sex play and love making regardless of what follows.

    It should be noted that not everybody who indulges in spanking, see as sexual but I do. And the reason I see it as sexual is because I find it sexually arousing and it forms the basis of my erotic fantasies.

    When I was a fantasist with no experience, I did think spanking would be a form of foreplay/sexplay that would lead to genital-centred stuff. It is and does. What surprised me was how satisfying spanking is in itself. Ideally it is part of lovemaking, but I have found that for me it is also a complete act in itself. While an orgasm is the icing on the cake it’s not actually necessary. Like a passionate snogging session and the air filled with desire and promise can be strangely satisfying without scratching the proverbial itch – so can spanking be if it happens to light your personal fire.

    I have had fabulously erotic times when there’s not been the opportunity for more formal sexual activity. but I found spanking a more than adequate alternative.

    The issue of ‘does spanking lead to sex’ arose often on the spanking site I used to frequent. I once raised issue of sex leading to spanking! If one finds spanking central to one’s sexuality than the ‘flip’ can be in either direction. Erotic stimulation arouses spanking thoughts and spanking arouses thoughts of direct erotic stimulation.

  • So What made you a vanilla heterosexual…?

    …the question I’ve never heard…!

    I have no idea why any of us have our ‘kink’, but I’m not really bothered about that anymore. Like the perfect cup of tea, the sun on my back, chocolate, fabulous scenery, or the sea it simply works for me. And the pain is part of the pleasure. This is my simple response to why I am what I am.

    But the long answer? Of course I’m curious. But there’s only so much I can say, and it’s hard to say whether it sheds any light on the nature/nurture debate.

    I don’t actually know what made me what I am, but here is a brief history and my attempts at amateur psychology.

    I was born in the 50’s and was brought up as a Catholic. I was very shy and was bullied from a young age. I remember being so terrified of some children that I would do anything to avoid them. No thrills there. There were also the children in my school who thought me beyond contempt so they ignored me. This meant I spent a lot of time daydreaming.

    As a Catholic I was well versed in concepts of submission, sacrifice and tales of martyrs. Some clues, perhaps? I suspect, though, there are an awful lot of women brought up similarly who find my tastes peculiar.  Although I did not comprehend the idea of sexual fantasy until well into my teens I had early fantasies of vague suffering at the hand of those who were somehow my inferior. My superiority lay in the nobility with which I bore the persecution – definitely a touch of the martyr! I also remember imagining scenes of spanking.

    What was it about that word? It had a magic for me and the fascination of the unknown. As a child I didn’t want to be spanked but found the subject thrilling. I know I hated pain. At home discipline was rarely physical. When it was, it was a hastily administered slap on the leg from my mother, which I hated and resented. My father has never physically chastised me. At school the thought of the cane terrified me and I was thankful that it seemed the preserve of the boys (an early bit of sexism for which I was thankful. Boys usually got the cane on their hand but there was something exciting about the idea of bending over and receiving punishment “Whacko” style). Most teachers commonly administered a slap on the leg or bottom but I never received one, as I was a ‘good’ girl. I remember only fear at the thought of rousing a teacher to slap me.

    The question that intrigues me (and I’ve never dared ask in case I ‘gave myself away’) is this: Were the fifties and sixties full of spanking images or did I ‘see’ them because of a predisposition? Did the following ‘make me’ into somebody with these tendencies or did I simply notice them because of who or what I am? Nature/nurture – Don’t you just love it? The memories from my childhood include

     *Dennis the Menace and Beryl the Peril always getting spanked in the comics

    *The afore-mentioned “Whacko” films and similar

    *50’s films on T.V. where the interesting, ‘feisty’ young woman is spanked by the man she loves and becomes submissive

    *Similar films where same type as above falls in love with the only man who ‘dares’ to spank her

    *Doris Day films where Doris is interesting and feisty then becomes a pushover in love. I’m not sure if she ever gets spanked but somehow it would fit the plot if she did

    *John Wayne spanking a young woman – no idea why

     *An episode of ‘Bonanza’ where an ‘Indian squaw’ is apparently badly behaved and is spanked (off-screen?) with a hairbrush. The hairbrush becomes a ‘reminder’ for her to ‘behave’

    *A Superman comic in which Lois is apparently spanked by a Superman robot (for being too inquisitive?) and hides her embarrassing secret; then it is revealed that Superman himself meted out her chastisement but Lois doesn’t know this.

    I cannot guarantee the full authenticity of my memories but the above are what I believe I remember and I’ve seen enough repeats and old films to confirm their truth in principal. So, did you notice too? Perhaps you were indifferent or indignant? Me? I tingled and still do.

  • Mad Axe Murderers Need Not Apply…

    The slightly batty, very ordinary looking septuagenarian spinster was very pleased with her latest idea – that should keep her safe she thought. 

    She was missing vanilla and also the shallow end of BDSMland where she had loved to paddle in the past and more recently just in her fantasies. 

    Yes – she was  really missing her lovely toyboy who had kept her very happy throughout the Dreaded Disease and since. He was a fabulous lover and knew all about her paddles not to mention the canes and rulers and he had happily obliged. It was, however, more her thing than his. He’d enjoyed the paddling but she suspected he enjoyed the transgression of it along with having a very willing pensioner who responded so enthusiastically to his wonderful inventiveness. It was not the same as playing with someone who shared her kink but was still fun and very satisfying. She really did love good vanilla and he was very good at it.  And they had a lovely time – mainly  in ‘NillaLand – until family stuff and practicalities took him away from her. 

    When the spinster turned seventy she decided she’d go to the movies more often, see more of old friends and find a lover (or more). She was a happy polyamorist although she hadn’t really done much about it since before the Dreaded Disease. She was no longer sure the best way to find lovers now  – for the last couple of decades her lovers had all been connections made online. Her old spanky site where she had sometimes meandered had disappeared and the dating sites all seemed to be swipey now which didn’t suit her at all. She loved profiles but they seemed to be a thing of the past.

    The spinster sighed. She thought she’d just ask the Universe and any goddesses out there to please send her a lover and then she had a think. She considered telling everyone she knew to please put her in touch with any interesting single or polyamorist men they knew. And she did still get the odd message off that BDSM site on which she still had a profile… It wouldn’t hurt to just be slightly active there as well, she thought. 

    Now the spinster hates to be a stereotype but despite a certain ability with the Interweb, she is quite technically challenged although she hates admitting it. It seems that her Internet Provider had decided she shouldn’t visit that BDSM site so any activity there and responding to messages was a bit of a challenge. She knew it was a settings thing but didn’t know how to fix it. She realised she could access the site outside the range of her baleful Internet Provider – she figured Data Roaming cared less about her morals but it was all a bit of a pain. She didn’t really want to engage with the site in the caff or her car… Luckily, her brain kicked in and she tried disconnecting her Internet signal at home and Data Roaming happily let her play from the comfort of her sofa. 

    The Spinster added a couple of discreet pics to her profile to show she was alive and kicking and was delighted to hear from three men…

    The first man was very young. But they exchanged pics and he assured her that she was genuinely just his type… His pic was so amazing she had her doubts but didn’t want to be distrustful. And he was keen to meet so why not… And he said how he’d really wanted to send intimate pics despite her saying they did nothing for her… and then he sent them anyway! As the young man then disappeared she assumed he was just somebody who wanted to send dick pics to an old lady and was mildly amused and put it down to experience. 

    The second man sent a nice message and had an interesting profile. She liked the sound of him so she sent a nice message back. The following day she awoke to an avalanche of messages where he was imaging what they could do together. She tried to calm him down and explained that although he assured her he wasn’t a Mad Axe Murderer she did need to meet him somewhere safe and public but she was definitely interested. By now he’d got himself into a bit of a frenzy and from what he’d said, she suspected the Dreaded Disease had taken its toll on his social life and opportunities. He seemed overwhelmed by the possibility of both opportunity and disappointment and she did actually understand and was happy to meet him. Sadly he decided he’d blown it and disappeared into The Ether. 

    The third man seemed more a fully paid-up member of BDSMland than her, but did seem interested. While he visited places that didn’t interest her, he also liked some of the places she did. They exchanged pics of the respectable kind and were happy with what they saw. So once again  she sought reassurances that he wasn’t a Mad Axe Murderer and she said she’d be happy to meet him somewhere safe and public to see if there was the possibility of something happening. 

    The Spinster was delighted to meet this attractive stranger and they had a lovely chat. They both expressed an interest in developing things and the ball was in her court. But he made sure she knew what he’d like to do to her and she let him know she was keen and would like to do those things as well but first she’d need to feel safe and meet again in public. She got the impression he thought she should just trust him. After all he said he wasn’t a Mad Axe Murderer!

    They tried to arrange another get together but it was all a bit rushed and last minute as their first encounter had been. The Spinster decided she’d prefer a little planning this time. He agreed to let her know when he had more time for a proper get together. And then she received a very flattering message saying what he’d like to do to her.

    Once again, she like that idea and said so, but explained that although he said he wasn’t a Mad Axe Murderer (and she really didn’t think he was) she was still concerned about keeping herself safe and had always exchanged phone numbers and car registrations with potential lovers before being alone with them. 

    He seemed to think this concern for her safety meant The Spinster didn’t really want to play and couldn’t be really interested in a ‘no strings attached’ relationship! She assured him otherwise and he decided that he trusted her but she didn’t trust him and he was passing by her town later that day and if she trusted him with her address they could have a lovely time. The fact that The Spinster had no idea where he lived and could only contact him via BDSMland seemed immaterial. And it would seem that The Spinster’s lack of trust was the only impediment to their  mutual ecstasy…