The Spinster's Exploits

So – the theory is – you know it when you feel it – often delivered by a smug, older person about love and not sure who the orgasm guru is…

Well from the great height of my 70 years of experience – I dare to challenge!

I have loved and loved well – and every experience was totally unique. Of course there is ‘love’ and ‘being in love’. I have been in love – at times joyfully and at others despairingly, but always different and – I now believe – born out of the complexity of the unique individuals we were. I find this idea rather exciting and intriguing. I am reading “The Ethical Slut” and rewatching “Mad Men” – so lots of ideas about desire and needs swirling around.

I am very glad to be a happy septuagenarian open to new ideas and adventures and not have to play at “man’s imagined woman” – unless I want to! My other great influence is this array of decluttering advice – I am not clutter-free, but I take very seriously the mantra “Does it bring you joy?” for everything in life. It is my guiding principle to making my life joyful and so far so good – my sexual and intimate life is loving and brings me joy.

And so to orgasms…

Well the great Shere Hite proved most of us women were clitoral and I happily accept that I am. Sometimes I have amazing sensations with the right stimulation – and sometimes I don’t. There is often so much more going on and it’s hard to unpick the whole experience to find the constituent parts – and why would I? Sometime my mind is blown, and sometimes it is not, but it is still delightful. As are the hot non-orgasmic quickies, or the moments of my partner’s pleasure that I rewind and treasure.

Unsurprisingly I have wondered whether I was getting the real thing. I have had observations of (literal) quivering thighs, flushes, pupil dilation etc… And when I masturbate with a vibe I often get an involuntary arching of the back.

But while I enjoy the sensations and the orgasm every time, my pleasure varies enormously between mere relief to what feels transcendental. The experience is the thing. But I thought I knew what my orgasms looked like…

Now while I am convinced I am vaginally non-orgasmic, I adore being fucked for its intimacy and sensations. It is utterly fabulous. I have a couple of vaginally orgasmic friends, one of whom is a “squirter” who can soak her bed with fluid which I understand is the result of stimulation of the (unproven) g-spot. My other friend has “regular”(?) vaginal orgasms, although once upset her friend-with-benefits when he hit the spot and he thought she was peeing on his posh couch!

I did once try to find my g-spot – it was the 80s, I was in my 30s and I read Cosmo magazine. I got a sore wrist and I got bored so I gave up. At least I could find my clitoris!

After a recent bout of glorious and deep fucking I found myself joyful and disoriented. A state not unfamiliar after orgasm, spanking and/or extended erotic attention. And I got to wonder – without a headful of electrodes and machinery, who knows whether we have orgasms or not? As long as I have the joyous experience I don’t care. But I am curious…