The Spinster's Exploits

You have to be of a certain vintage to know that this is one of the things that made Susie Orbach famous long before she met the Princess. And the Sad Princess is a lesson in how the most gorgeous of us have body issues.

I owned this book when it came out in the late seventies, and also Kim Chernin’s “Womansize”, subtitled “The Tyranny of Slenderness” when it came out in the early eighties. As a feminist of a certain age – seventy, if you’re asking – I have lived the life and walked the talk. But still feel fat and ugly at times. And as a feminist of my vintage – I fight it tooth and nail.

I love my body for how it works and how it feels when I stretch out, or swim, or when I do tai-chi and most definitely when making love or having the most outrageous body-shaking fuck. But loving my body doesn’t stop me wishing my too solid flesh away at times…

Like most women of our shared culture, I felt self-conscious when I was a size 12/14. In my youth that was 34/36-24/26-36/38. At size 20 – add ten inches everywhere – I am officially obese. I find pussyfooting, euphemisms and polite alternatives embarrassing and annoying. I joke about being a big bog-standard woman as the idea that being overweight makes one big and beautiful is simply ridiculous. And – yes – of course –  it is lovely that many find such women irresistible and that sexual attraction is so fabulously diverse.

I do admire the body positive and do my best to be positive – I do not dress to disappear and either aim for comfort and freedom or flaunting of the bits I want to flaunt. I have discovered that having 44 inch breasts stops one being invisible – even at seventy…

I have been very lucky in my lovers since I gained weight in my thirties and I tell myself that they accepted my body from the start. And I hoped the erotic pleasure we found together imprinted me as the source of such delight as their very human bodies imprinted on me…

So why am I wanging on about this now you may be wondering? Well – it’s because I’ve come up with another step on my body positive journey – My lover and I are going to stay at a naturist resort! It would be lovely to genuinely lose my self-consciousness and honestly love my imperfect but wonderful flesh.

As established earlier – we are polyamorous friends-with-benefits who are sort of dating – and spending rather a lot of time together in the bedroom and out. But there is a wider world out there and we both find the idea of sharing the pleasure and pushing boundaries very exciting.

I have finally got round to reading “The Ethical Slut” as said, and it has been mind-expanding. While my situation as an older child-free spinster is somewhat different from the starting point of the writers, there are interesting issues that apply to many relationships and to those wishing to have a more open sexual/intimate/playful life. And feeling less self-conscious about my body seems like a good step.

And I do know that nakedness and sexuality do not automatically go together and I will behave appropriately, but being naked with others socially, feels like an exciting part of my mad post-70 journey – What an adventure!