The Spinster's Exploits

Don’t you just hate how we’re all on our mythical ‘journeys’ and stepping out of our ‘comfort zones’ as we push ahead with our dancing on ‘Strictly’, walk despite blisters on the latest pilgrimage reality show or brag about our latest beating on a BDSM site? I do! I roll my eyes and sigh at the self-indulgence of it all and am hugely cynical about the televisual appeal of the smashed comfort zone and how we all enjoy a good journey while loving the voyeurism of it all…

So, this is all somewhat embarrassing, but I do want to be as honest as I can be about what is going on in my life as a newly awakened seventy-year-old on an erotic and sensual [cringe-pause] journey after a year’s dormancy.

So I’ll start with the confession. I have been very judgemental – and defensive – about some of the BDSM/erotic journeys I have encountered. I think it was because I felt a whiff of superiority at how they were apparently growing or even self-actualising because they could take a harder beating/had gone from spankee to sub/become swingers/had their first same-sex experience. ‘So what?’ I muttered – ‘you’re just self-indulgent and thrill-seeking’.  And they are – but why my prejudice and annoyance? My attitude was that some people just got bored and enjoyed seeing themselves as transgressive or liberated and were merely thrill-seekers looking to liven up their lives and find new highs – the erotic equivalent of a mid-life crisis – very judgy of me!

If we do no harm – why shouldn’t we be self-indulgent thrill-seekers? I think my primary guilt at my politically incorrect fantasies and desires, along with the same guilt about my possible nature had transmuted – I began to see my spankee self as my true nature and part of my essential being. In the words of the great philosopher, Popeye, I told myself I yam what I yam… I got irritated when spankos became more widely BDSM and implied that ‘mere’ spankos were less evolved – and some really did seem to think that – and I internalised and resented the message. It reminded me of recently uncloseted gay friends in the seventies convinced that others were also gay – just not yet acknowledged/come to terms with their true nature. It may well be true of some but never of my very sexually satisfied camp hetero friend. And so with the vanilla/kink/BDSM world.  I decided – and still believe – that celibacy/monogamy/spanking/BDSM/vanilla/swinging/whatever – is the source of happiness  for many and if they are getting their needs and desires met and have no wish for anything else – they are truly fortunate! But I now also believe that those fancying a comfort-zone-busting journey are equally fortunate if they are in a position to follow their desires.

In my work life I was introduced to the concept of ‘curiosity’ as a fundamental underpinning of so many professional roles. Without it, science, policing, social work, counselling and so much more would fail to discover the things that need addressing and ultimately the workers would fail to carry out their tasks. And in the historic and evolutionary science programmes and articles I love, the idea that it is curiosity that makes us human and underpins our evolutionary leaps and development is central (And – yes – of course many animals are curious and on their own journeys – but that’s another story!)

So, it follows then, that curiosity and seeking new erotic and sensual pleasures is part of the rich tapestry of humanity and being human. And some of us are seekers and some are not – all fair enough.

And reading “The Ethical Slut” reinforced these ideas. Why wouldn’t you maximise pleasure and have fun if you had the opportunities to do so with minimum damage to others?

So – here I am – a sensualist who loves sex and being spanked who’s met a sub man and read “The Ethical Slut”, enjoying a very exciting journey and amazed at the joy and pleasure that I am finding.

As previously noted – my then-future lover presented as a sub man and I as a slightly defensive sensualist and hedonist who liked being spanked but had been living a mainly vanilla – and very enjoyable – life and was really interested in sex. Luckily he liked and was missing sex and intimacy and was quite capable of spanking. We didn’t exchange CVs but he had an ex and they had regularly spanked each other.

And sensuality, intimacy  and fun came first for both of us and I had an amazing time with him as we explored spicy vanilla and he got to use my toys on me with increasing effect as I was reminded that I am definitely still a spankee! I was also getting intrigued at possibilities of switching and taking command of him.