The Spinster's Exploits

I tend to watch catch-up TV and I pay ITV and Channel 4 catch-up to be ad-free. Now Netflix are showing some ads and I’ve watched some live TV recently, I am now taking part in that great British pastime – moaning about the ads! The one I absolutely hate is the one with people appearing to have ice-cream cones as phones! I just didn’t get it – until my polyamorous-friend-with-benefits-who-I-am- sort-of-dating explained that the advertisers were showing that all other phones were vanilla compared with theirs!

I had noticed this cultural shift where anything safe – and possibly boring – was now being labelled sniffily as vanilla! Obviously, we’re all so cool now (or hot or whatever) that we cannot possibly stomach the blandness of the so-called vanilla!

As a kink who loves vanilla I come to praise vanilla and not to bury it in an unmarked grave of shame!

There was a fabulous piece I once heard on the radio about just how complex vanilla plants are and the trouble it takes to get decent Madagascar vanilla beans. Personally, I love the smell and taste of good vanilla whether it is a fragrant ice-cream, that delicious staple – Bird’s custard – or a decent slice of madeira cake.

Apparently one of the joys of ‘nilla (and I’m still talking food…) Is that it brings out other flavours. I think it’s a shame that such a lovely sensual flavour is so often seen as a non-flavour – You can get dairy ice-cream which is the plain sort – and from the right producer is also delicious. But vanilla is definitely a proper flavour in its own right!

The radio programme also featured an experiment where people thought they were getting plain yoghurt, but were given vanilla – and their satisfaction/reward receptors registered their delight.

And I feel the same about the choices in the erotic repertoire – yes – there are all sorts of delicious flavours out there, but a really good quality vanilla is fabulous on its own and goes very nicely with other flavours without losing its own delicious sense of self.

I would rather not be looked down upon because I like getting my bottom smacked; dissolve into a puddle when my lover chooses to tell me what he wants me to do or I have enjoyed tying him up and hitting him.

And I hate the thought of some kinky folk thinking they are more cutting edge or in some way superior to others who can get their kicks through conventional sex. All flavours – including vanilla – should be equal and we simply get to experiment or find ourselves irresistibly drawn to our particular flavour.