The Spinster's Exploits

I was very excited to hear Women’s Hour discussing older women and sex. And their amazing guest was the fabulous Miriam Stoppard. I have admired her for common sense approach to life and sex but not heard from her for a while. And here she was encouraging older women to have sex and do it for themselves! Interestingly she seems a great advocate for dildoes. I have nothing against them, and my early vibes were definitely penile, although usually smooth and matt or shiny rather than a full-on phallus. Anyone remember the Non Doctor? Just me…?

As Miriam made the point that most of us are clitoral, I was surprised at the emphasis on the dildo for solo and shared pleasure. I have nothing against dildoes – and perhaps I should be more open-minded… That said – I wonder if I was the only woman to feel intimidated back in the day when I actually bought one of the fabled rabbits – other well-endowed scary vibrators are available…

As loyal readers will know – I am very fond of bullet vibes. They are designed for clitoral stimulation and are very neat and work for me. I would advise single or two-speed only though. There are a lot of ten-speed ones out there. Sound quite good – but they’re a bit like those multi-display fairy lights – you have to go through every bloody setting until you come to the one you want – and then continue through the cycle to switch the thing off! I discovered this when I bought my lover his own vibe as he liked me using mine on him.

And later today I learnt that the amazing Molly Parkin had died – I think of her as the campest woman I have ever seen – a fashion icon, early queer ally, brilliant writer, painter and icon of female sexual positivity! She wrote the most amazingly funny and sexy short novels with names like “Fast and Loose” and “Up and Coming”. I remember getting the giggles on the bus and in a solicitor’s office as I passed my time with her amazing heroines in the eighties. I was also shocked to learn one of my friend’s Mum’s also read her! A reminder of my earlier ageism!

And when I was trying to navigate life as an ex-virgin/good girl wanting love and sex and not a reputation, but wanting to widen my horizons – her outrageous adventures with her “young husband” in Forum magazine fascinated me. And her later autobiographical fiction on the struggles of such a relationship touched me – as did her later honesty about the reality of her life and alcoholism in her autobiographies and in person. I was lucky to see her perform in “An Evening With…” many years ago.  

And I was delighted to learn in later years that she did not choose the male-pleasing, sexist covers of those wonderful novels. And loved the fact she ended up very happily in a council flat and having another phase as a painter. I think of her every time I drive through Pontycymmer. R.I.P. Moll!