The Spinster's Exploits

Thinking of the amazing Miriam and her enthusiasm for dildoes, sent me on a personal vibe history, so here it is!

Unlike many, I am not a “natural” wanker.

I suspect that simply because of the obviousness of the male genitals – and the apparent nature and socialisation of little boys along with solo exploration and info swapping – most boys discover the interestingness of their willies and wanking probably follows as naturally as night following day. And of course there will be the low-sexed, the G/god-respecting, the G/god-fearing, the other-focussed and those who have their own reasons to ignore the call or twitch in their pants!

It seems that the so-called fairer sex are a bit more complex. Being more tucked away we are less obvious. While touching and self-soothing happen very early in both sexes, I suspect due to our anatomy, females may do it less. I personally have no memories of touching myself and I would not have been socialised to focus on my genitals. I do remember being growingly aware of the taboos around masturbation, however.

As said previously, the sixties may have swung for some, but in South Wales it was presided over by parents and professionals from war-time experiences and religious heritages that made it a very clamped down society. The sins of Adultery and not coveting our neighbour’s wife seemed to have encompassed premarital sex and masturbation was not even discussed. I did however find references to self-pollution(!) and the dangers of such behaviour – everything from blindness to general weakness and mental illness.

In those pre-Internet days of the sixties and seventies there was the TV and radio and magazines discussing the metaphorical swinging and as attitudes changed, I became aware that masturbation was “normal” and did no harm. I was still horrified at 17 to learn that it was known that a boy in my class had allegedly had a wank over a 70s soft porn mag. Soon I realised practically all boys were at it! I wasn’t sure about girls but I knew I didn’t!

I was a product of my village, Catholicism, etc as said, and frankly – a bit of a prig. I wanted to know all about sex but – like drugs – had no intention of trying it for myself. And I wasn’t tempted to touch myself, so the idea that others were having sex and/or wanking just made me smug!

And after much tortuous struggling with my conscience I fell in love and at 17, I had my first sexual relationship, The very excitement of the fact I was not only having sex but was also (in my own eyes!) very sexually sophisticated seemed satisfying enough. My reading however, made me aware that there was more to it. The odd orgasm I’d had before intercourse – when he was trying to persuade me to “go all the way” – also made me aware of possibilities but somehow most of the time I measured my ‘sexiness’ in terms of hisexcitement and my daring. I may have thought myself a feminist, but my consciousness was anything but raised!

My moment of silent rebellion followed his excitement at an article by Germaine Greer on ‘women on top’. I was quickly fucked and then thought, “Is that it?” I squashed the thought and went for a pee. After all I loved him, didn’t I?

At 18 and at college the relationship continued and I measured it in quantity rather than quality, proud of the fact we sometimes did it five times! All this reading however had filtered through, and I entered my next phase of sexual development.

I was now au fait with the idea of female masturbation and occasionally performed for his pleasure, but my inner smug git was secretly proud of the fact that I never did so on my own. My discontent, however, eventually filtered through. My sex life was exciting but wouldn’t it be fun to see if I could give myself an orgasm? For some reason this thought came to me as I queued to take out books from the College library and my long squashed, vague youthful fantasies about getting spanked bubbled to the surface. There and then, in the library queue I decided I was going back to my room to play with myself. And I did. And it was fabulous. And it was secret.