…the question I’ve never heard…!
I have no idea why any of us have our ‘kink’, but I’m not really bothered about that anymore. Like the perfect cup of tea, the sun on my back, chocolate, fabulous scenery, or the sea it simply works for me. And the pain is part of the pleasure. This is my simple response to why I am what I am.
But the long answer? Of course I’m curious. But there’s only so much I can say, and it’s hard to say whether it sheds any light on the nature/nurture debate.
I don’t actually know what made me what I am, but here is a brief history and my attempts at amateur psychology.
I was born in the 50’s and was brought up as a Catholic. I was very shy and was bullied from a young age. I remember being so terrified of some children that I would do anything to avoid them. No thrills there. There were also the children in my school who thought me beyond contempt so they ignored me. This meant I spent a lot of time daydreaming.
As a Catholic I was well versed in concepts of submission, sacrifice and tales of martyrs. Some clues, perhaps? I suspect, though, there are an awful lot of women brought up similarly who find my tastes peculiar. Although I did not comprehend the idea of sexual fantasy until well into my teens I had early fantasies of vague suffering at the hand of those who were somehow my inferior. My superiority lay in the nobility with which I bore the persecution – definitely a touch of the martyr! I also remember imagining scenes of spanking.
What was it about that word? It had a magic for me and the fascination of the unknown. As a child I didn’t want to be spanked but found the subject thrilling. I know I hated pain. At home discipline was rarely physical. When it was, it was a hastily administered slap on the leg from my mother, which I hated and resented. My father has never physically chastised me. At school the thought of the cane terrified me and I was thankful that it seemed the preserve of the boys (an early bit of sexism for which I was thankful. Boys usually got the cane on their hand but there was something exciting about the idea of bending over and receiving punishment “Whacko” style). Most teachers commonly administered a slap on the leg or bottom but I never received one, as I was a ‘good’ girl. I remember only fear at the thought of rousing a teacher to slap me.
The question that intrigues me (and I’ve never dared ask in case I ‘gave myself away’) is this: Were the fifties and sixties full of spanking images or did I ‘see’ them because of a predisposition? Did the following ‘make me’ into somebody with these tendencies or did I simply notice them because of who or what I am? Nature/nurture – Don’t you just love it? The memories from my childhood include
*Dennis the Menace and Beryl the Peril always getting spanked in the comics
*The afore-mentioned “Whacko” films and similar
*50’s films on T.V. where the interesting, ‘feisty’ young woman is spanked by the man she loves and becomes submissive
*Similar films where same type as above falls in love with the only man who ‘dares’ to spank her
*Doris Day films where Doris is interesting and feisty then becomes a pushover in love. I’m not sure if she ever gets spanked but somehow it would fit the plot if she did
*John Wayne spanking a young woman – no idea why
*An episode of ‘Bonanza’ where an ‘Indian squaw’ is apparently badly behaved and is spanked (off-screen?) with a hairbrush. The hairbrush becomes a ‘reminder’ for her to ‘behave’
*A Superman comic in which Lois is apparently spanked by a Superman robot (for being too inquisitive?) and hides her embarrassing secret; then it is revealed that Superman himself meted out her chastisement but Lois doesn’t know this.
I cannot guarantee the full authenticity of my memories but the above are what I believe I remember and I’ve seen enough repeats and old films to confirm their truth in principal. So, did you notice too? Perhaps you were indifferent or indignant? Me? I tingled and still do.
The Spinster's Exploits 