The Spinster's Exploits

So – another weekend that wasn’t exactly as planned. I felt the loss of my recent ex f-w-b more keenly because we had plans for the weekend and we were going to spend it together. As someone with personal and professional knowledge of grief and lesser losses, I believe it is important to honour and grieve connections when they end to acknowledge and value their worth. Endings may be chosen or not, but unless there is a clear victim, there is loss of something that once had value. So, this weekend for me was a little sad and left me somewhat unsettled.

We had planned to go to another event organised by a member of the kink site – a party on the lines of the one we’d attended a little while back and I wrote about – an event/party in a sports bar hired for exclusive use with the bar providing the staff. There was no “play” or nudity allowed, but fetish-wear was encouraged and celebrated It was open to members of kink site and a site used – I believe – for swingers and people looking for like-minded hook-ups/casual encounters.

This time there was going to be a demo of wax play and a display of what some call impact play implements and what I call “hitty toys”. I decided I wasn’t up to going on my own, and it was a bit soon to see my lovely recent ex in public.

So, despite my usual pleasant diversions, I did find myself somewhat restless on Friday evening and aware of his absence and wondering how the party was going… And then I got a message from my Elvish playmate to say he was at the party! I had told him about the one we’d attended as I thought it would be a good place for him to connect with other cross-dressers – seems he agreed! I did feel a bit Billy-No-Mates but was also amused by the thought of them both being there, while I was watching “Ludwig” and feeling a bit sorry for myself…

In fairness my weekend got a bit more interesting, and on Saturday I met a very young man (26!) who wrote to me on the kink site. It seems he’s not sub or dom or switch but his friend says the site could cure his heartache and I sounded approachable!

I felt something of a an Agony aunt/grannie! He was very confused. He had been in a two-year relationship that had not become sexual, and she ended it and he was upset. His male friend who had also gone through something had discovered the site and found it a cure for his sadness! I said it sounded like his friend was using s/M stuff like alcohol or drugs and tried to understand where this young man was coming from.

He is from a religious background, still at home and I think still sees sex as part of marriage. It was hard to see what he was after, as he seemed to have a very vague idea of kink, but sort of thought sub stuff may be something – or not…. I tried explaining about state of mind and that submission can be anything from making a cup of tea to getting beaten, and suggested he did some research. I have no idea if he was after a platonic girlfriend or a sex partner or Mistress or just a friendly ear. I did say if kink was working for his friend it was because he felt drawn to it.

I’ve left it to him to be in touch if he wants to meet for a further chat or anything more.

When I’m a bit blue or unsettled and when I’ve had anxiety and stress I struggle with good eating, sleeping and hygiene routines, and been a bit chaotic recently. So am inordinately pleased with myself at having done a couple of slowcooker meals for myself around braised chops and steak, got my homemade stock in the freezer before it went off, and today boiled a ham and made soup while catching up with my washing up!

A friend swears by a self-help thing where you get the worst task done first – swallow the live frog – and then your day gets better… I get it, but sometimes I can’t face tackling putting away the dishes from the draining board, let alone the frog task! So I’m more – less is enough. Take two items upstairs when you go to the loo, and ignore the bigger pile that needs moving. And if I get a spurt of energy I may at least look at the frog, but definitely not touch it or swallow it. And I may do a lesser task and feel a sense of achievement.

So my side passage and pantry are an embarrassment, and my freezer needs a good sort out, but I had a lovely lunch of freshly boiled ham, amid a shrunken washing-up pile and decided I’d sort out the tights drawer! I do have a stocking drawer and several lingerie drawers, but the sensible knickers and tights are also part of life and now it’s getting autumnal, the drawer was looking very chaotic and annoying.

I have several pairs of long johns I use as an alternative to tights as they are warm and breathable cotton and live in the tights drawer. I like to go commando, but sometimes I need a layer of warmth. I have now solved to problem – I have cut out the gussets! I now have crotchless long johns for those chilly days, but my fanny can be nicely airy as I prefer! So – my doctored long johns are now in their own section alongside my everyday tights and the more naughty crotchless and suspender tights I wear for more interesting encounters…

The sun is shining, I’ve read most of The Observer, had a nice lunch, enjoyed my sunny conservatory and have a tidy tights drawer and I have blogged – I am having a good day and once again count my blessings.