The Spinster's Exploits

As so often – my chaotic brain is all over the place making weird – and not so weird – connections…

So – anyone play “house” as a kid? I don’t know if this is a Welsh thing or a working class one or something else. In literature – and I’m talking from kids’ stuff to novels – children play “Mothers and fathers” and indulge in “imaginative play”. When we kids played at being grown-ups, if it wasn’t “school” or “shop” it was “house” we played.

So – as a perpetual spinster, I have been fortunate to have had mostly great men in my life, and have loved having them stay with me overnight, weekends and longer. We do nice things together as well as the sex and kink stuff. We watch TV, play board games, chat, and generally chill. I will cook meals, and they sometimes cook for me. We eat out, have days out and holiday together. And I have a lovely time. And every now and then, I think it’s a grown-up and very enjoyable version of “House” for which I am grateful.

Whether I have been monogamous partner/significant other/plus one/whatever or one of my versions of friend with benefits, my relationships have been mostly rewarding. And as a live-out lover I have never dealt with discarded pants in the bathroom; arguments about the washing up and putting out bins; shared finances; headaches over children and so many other everyday realities of couples who’ve taken a more traditional journey. I’m not knocking it – couples living together works so well for so many people whether lifelong or serially.

But I have enjoyed the life of a single person household. And as well as playing “house”, I have also thought it is a bit like being a mistress – as in the “other woman”. A relatively stress-free coming together for mutual pleasure – sexual and otherwise – without shared household stress can be very relaxing and rewarding. Of course, there is the ordinary relationship tensions of “the relationship”, life and the two personalities, but with less extraneous “stuff” taking its toll.

I know of two couples who chose to keep separate accommodation, despite actually marrying. One person literally bought the house next door to her partner then husband. The other couple lived different sides of the city and stayed with each other depending on whether they wanted to be more central or less or who was doing hosting. And then one moved to a rural home and they spent time together and apart in the country or city. I happen to have seen her city home dungeon/playroom, but don’t know if he has similar…

Meanwhile, I am thoroughly enjoying my polyamorous lifestyle and spending time with the men in my life, and once again, it has occurred to me we sort of provide “fake boy/girlfriends” for each other. As with past FwBs we know exactly what we are and where we stand, and tell others as appropriate. But people make assumptions – and now that I’m in my seventies – it’s husband rather than lover! Sometimes we put people right – but when booking a holiday cottage, buying a cooker or being a “plus one” at a conference – it makes no sense to tell people our “situationship”! But we can have the couple experience when it suits us.

And these thoughts also emerged when I saw the rather good film “Rental Family” recently. It has the interesting premise of an actor playing the part as friend, family member or romantic interest to people who lack such a person in real life – like a sexless escort service. Of course, it got complex when emotions were triggered and only the hirer was aware of the fakery. But it also highlighted the idea of “chosen family” which has become so important to many, especially those who have been or felt marginalised. Worth a watch, I thought.

While my relationships with my delightful friends/lovers are absolutely authentic, we get lovely experiences of domesticity, companionship, and couples stuff without the daily grind of meals on tables, drains, choosing an insurance provider and “Should we re-decorate?”. Although of course – we all have to manage the everydaynesses for ourselves and on our own!