I hate changing the bedding! Today I decided to take off the electric under-blanket. It was made more difficult by how it somehow entangled its straps with the straps of the webbing of my underbed bondage system! I managed to wrestle them apart and must test out the bondage straps some time. Oh! And must remember to get them tucked back up before the cleaners’ next visit!
The Spinster's Exploits
Sex, sensuality and possibly spanking after seventy…
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I’ve not been at my most sophisticated recently. I am thrilled to be thrilled by the undoubted sexiness of the True Blood vampires that I am now watching on DVD – I am so retro! As said – was quite shocked but entertained by the X-rated human sex that’s quite graphic. I’m not a porn watcher, so my idea of graphic will be quite low key, but I find True Blood sexy and amusing.
And of course, my viewing got me thinking – always dangerous! And I just happen to have Stephanie Meyer’s “Twilight” – the bestselling vampire/teenage girl romance that was a sell-out some time ago. A friend had it, and thought I’d like it – she was right! I did enjoy it and the steaminess came from desire and a lack of sex. I was fine with that, but curious and had vague recollections of reading about an author who wrote vampire stuff that was seen as a coded abstinence message. And of course, it WAS Stephanie Myers.
I can see the excitement of abstinence/delayed gratification, in these days of hyper-sexuality and the pornification of culture. The cover plays up on temptation theme without implying the lack of gratification within – a fabulous red apple in the hand of a pale armed young woman – very Garden of Eden! As a fully paid up – if sloppy – pedant, I would just like to point out that the Eden fruit is unnamed in whatever version of The Bible you may have, and the apple idea is the result of cultural interpretation.
But I digress – as so often! – So no sex – And here comes the spoiler alert if you’ve not worked out the lack of sex already. I can also see why putting up with possibility of death due to passion as a teenage girl, but having a restrained “lover” who protects you from himself and is prepared to suffer the pains of abstinence for the girl’s sake can seem romantic and passionate. A long way from teenage male demands and alleged damage caused by to their sex organs if their girlfriend or potential girlfriend doesn’t put out!
I think it is fabulous to have sex with whoever you choose, if they want it too. I am saddened by a culture where young girls feel obligated to perform like porn stars while fearing being labelled for doing so. And when I worked with young women, some believed someone who truly loved you wouldn’t want to have sex with you! It’s easy to see the popularity of “Twilight” among teenage girls and even their older sisters…
Luckily I’m a pretty senior grown-up able to follow my own desires. When I looked up Ms. Myers, there was some sniffiness about her prose, but I thoroughly enjoyed “Twilight” and its unrequited passion as much as I would enjoy them more classically represented in a Jane Austen!
Now that my vampire appetite is whetted, I fancy a re-read of “Daughters of Darkness: Lesbian Vampire Stories” edited by Pam Keesey. I cannot remember what I was looking for or buying at the time in the nineties, but it was a recommendation by a bookseller for some reason. Despite my heterosexual history, I am certainly open to lesbian and gay based stories and remember enjoying the collection.
Happy reading!
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…receiving rather than giving, if you’re asking…
So, as I continue to explore the nursery slopes of domestic-Domme-ing my subby cross-dressing spiritual elf I wonder if this is an achievement or sign of me losing the plot.
Since the big telling-off I asked him to let me know if he wanted to continue with me as his kinky life coach/probation officer or not. Happy to play either way, but I was not happy with having gone to the trouble of setting something up, and him not complying after agreeing.
He has updated his little book and is enthusiastic about his changes, so I decided I’d take charge of him again and see how it goes. And him naked at my feet giving me a lower leg and foot massage seemed an excellent idea. And I noted that it also seemed to put my hyper rather frenetic S-C-D-S-E into quite a calm place. And I figured that as I was in charge, relaxing with a little sudoku to accompany his pleasant ministrations might be rather nice.
He was promised a beating for sneaky kisses of my feet without permission, then given permission to do so. All rather pleasurable as I lay back with said sudoku. And then he asked permission to suck my toes. I must admit my toes are somewhat virginal of such attention, but I had no reason to refuse so permission was granted. I found it strange, but agreeable, and it did not impede the sudoku!
He was later suitably punished and rewarded for misdemeanours and achievements, and we both had a delightful time. I am still astonished at how much fun I find in dominating, beating and slightly damaging willing men! It is so contrary to a lifetime of spankee fantasies and desires – it just feels mad to discover new strings to my erotic bow in my seventies!
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“And luckily my Established, polyamorous sub-identifying switchy lover is due for a visit this weekend, and our switchy games require no such deep thought and ethical dilemmas – just fun!” – Well – that came back to bite me! I think I got more than singed by him, life, the universe and some amused gods/esses!
So, what was the great feminist plan for the weekend? Seemed simple. I’d not seen my lovely E-P-S-I-S-L for three weeks and was very keen to see him again.
Quick recap – two weekends ago he was off gallivanting and possibly getting a flirting opportunity with the woman he knows in everyday life, who was possibly interested. And that was to be followed by a BDSM event of Dommes and Goddesses with sub servers and worshippers including opportunities for one-on-one action and impact play – including with a Domme who interests him.
He’d had a lovely time at the event and it had left him buzzing. And he had spent time alone with the Domme who interests him. And his flirtation with the every-day-life-woman continues although – like many flirtations – puzzles as much as it progresses in its own sweet way.
We’d arranged to meet the following weekend, but he had a chance to attend a one-off event to do with one of his interests. I wanted him to see me, but realised this was not really reasonable as the event was a one-off. But decided I could use it playfully and channel my frustration. I decided he could pay for his “neglect” by a worshipful weekend of me!
Now for good emotional and practical reasons, we mainly meet at my place. And it really suits us both. It so happens, we are both people pleasers – as well as sneaky control freaks – and we mainly have fabulous fun together whatever we do. But as we meet at mine, I automatically go into hostess role and makes sure I have food and drink in, and house is comfortable. I think of places to go and things to do, change the bed, sometimes dress up, ensure toys are out and anything I can think of for his comfort. And as a people pleaser and someone who really likes him, I’m happy to do so.
But when feeling disappointed and frustrated by extra week apart I came up with idea of him looking after me for a change in my home. So, I decided no cooking, he could change the bed and he could pay for all our meals. He would think of options for my entertainment and eating, and I would choose which I fancied.
And of course, it would be the first seriously hot day of the year that he arrived! I was naked and comfortable. He looked knackered and hot so I offered a cup of tea. He refused on the grounds that he’d not be up to bed-making if he sat down, so went to make the bed. It was only retrospectively, that I realised that by stating such terms he’d made a power move on me! When we were thinking of places to eat, he was telling me which ones didn’t appeal to him – including my favourite – so much for offering me options.
And I know that like the weather, his developing a cold, was not a power move, but the planned weekend sort of went out of the window! I cannot in all conscience do anything but look after a poorly guest, and he is absolutely fabulous when I am unwell, so I donned my invisible hostess with the mostest mantle and my role as Queen of the Lemsip (other cheaper brands also available) with reasonable good grace.
The hot lemon may have had a hidden ingredient as he awoke quite randy on Saturday morning, despite an impressive orgasm the previous afternoon. And the idea of a fuck really appealed to me. He happily obliged. It was excellent if slightly painful – More anon*
Concern for his well-being and not anti-socially spreading his germs meant a rethink for the weekend. The planned visit to a Welsh chat group and attendance of a Welsh language play we’d agreed, gave way to a possible walk and outdoor eating. And once again his “options” were ensuring I knew what HE wanted! I pointed out that this was typical, and I didn’t do it. And he readily acknowledged that he did it and knowingly. So, we bantered about control-freakery, and I decided that while we were both sneaky control freaks I was less controlling than him. And of course, this is my opinion and my blog, but I did get acknowledgement of his “tricks”. I am obsessive about fairness, so I have some ideas to even things up…
And so we had a lovely weekend, but went shopping so I could cook us a Sunday lunch, and had a lovely Chinese take away Saturday night. And, as said, generally a lovely weekend. I didn’t feel I’d been “pampered” however, so that is still to come.
We started Sunday morning with him perkier and my radio 4 fix of Broadcasting House. I cam back from the loo to find him waiting for me with a certain cushion on the bed and a wicked gleam. He decided I needed spanking, but as he was apparently fighting his streak of coercive control, I could choose my implements! I was excited, amused and bemused at this entertaining variation and quite thrown. I like gentler implements for erotic sensation, but a spanking isn’t a spanking without pain, and that wonderful just-about-bearable/please stop/or not… confusion. So, I chose a hairbrush, cane and carpet beater.
He decided that wasn’t enough – so much for “Ladies’ Coice”! I grudgingly picked a few more and he appeared satisfied.
As said before – I am rubbish at identifying what is being used on me, but the narrower range helped. Although I know for a fact I didn’t choose the dreaded nasty, thuddy bath brush, nor the spiteful fucking fly swat – and those I did recognise! “Ladies’ Choice” had obviously gone out of the window, much to the amusement of us both.
I had a fabulous post-spanking orgasm and repaid him with nipple clamps, pin wheel, scratches and bites! For some reason I love biting him and need to be careful not to break his skin.
I’ve a feeling that the power games are going to be an interesting negotiation of our sort-of-relationship and a source of future entertainment.
*I want to talk about painful sex again but not at the moment
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In my “definitely a spankee and only here to meet possible spankers” days I did attend some BDSM events in South Wales because there were no spanko munches. I clung grimly to my definitely-spankee-and-not here-to-play identity with the grim determination that I’d once guarded my virginity! But as a nosy bitch, of COURSE I was fascinated! And I was genuinely open-minded about everyone else’s freedom to do whatever they liked as well as they observed the safe, sane and consensual code.
And it was at a BDSM munch I heard a couple of lifestyle Dommes bemoaning the sometimes-exhausting nature of making the decisions for their sub life partners. And I remember rolling my metaphorical eyes and issuing a virtual sigh at the drama of it all. Although I noted the said subs looked very happy and un-weary as the ‘grown-ups’ chuntered on.
And now I found myself possibly a little singed by own petard as I explore the nursery slopes of domestic-Domme-ing my subby cross-dressing spiritual elf.
As a spankee I’ve also had an issue of equality and fairness when people live sub/Dom(me) lifestyle. A lovely subby friend once told me that when he and his Domme life partner had a falling out, they then sorted out issue including any blame. And he got “punished” as a closure ritual rather than because he was at fault and she wasn’t. I thought that was excellent.
I have also been concerned by Dom/mes and Spankers who talk about punishments that have been meted out to subs and spankees who have done stuff that is genuinely bad for them. They may “hate” severe punishment at the time, but likely to be a turn-on as well and/or later… How to genuinely punish a spankee or sub seems quite a challenge, although I understand that for many subs their Dom/me’s displeasure is the worst punishment.
So – my subby cross-dressing spiritual elf has agreed to an on-going relationship with me as his newbie Domestic Domme and Kinky Life Coach/Probation Officer. And since we agreed, he has indulged in behaviours and thoughtlessness that I consider bad for his well-being – You can probably see where this is going…
As a friend, I want what’s best for him, and don’t want to reward bad behaviour. I told him in no uncertain terms how unhappy I was and why, and that I expected him to change his behaviour if we were to continue.
We agreed to meet at quite short notice and I think he was all prepared for severe “punishment”. So that’s what he got – a telling off and a brain storming session on new rules of behaviour so that he knew exactly what was expected and why. My S-C-D-S-E is absolutely a free agent, and I like him spreading his wings, but I expect him to stick to any agreements we make that are intended to help him improve his life and have fun.
And I did provide a nourishing lunch of home-made soup and home-cooked ham but absolutely no other physical rewards or punishments, save a good-bye hug.
He has homework – writing up his misdemeanours, starting to change his negative behaviours and providing me with a record of changes.
And once that has been done, I will punish him for said misdemeanours in a way that should be fun and satisfying for both of us – well, that’s the plan…
Phew – I’m knackered! So pleased I am only part-time Domestic Domme and Kinky Life Coach/Probation Officer to my S-C-D-S-E! And luckily my Established, polyamorous sub-identifying switchy lover is due for a visit this weekend, and our switchy games require no such deep thought and ethical dilemmas – just fun!
Right – I think I need a little lie down in my lovely scorchio conservatory with my latest Marian Keyes re-read – it’s a hard life but somebody has to do it!
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Well – last weekend I was all psyched up to beat up my Established, polyamorous sub-identifying switchy lover on trumped-up charges of insulting me. But it was a scorching afternoon in my conservatory where I was practicing my naturism and he looked weary and started stripping off, so I did the decent thing – and offered him a cuppa. And the moment seemed to pass, and we had a weekend of simple pleasures – Rummikub, my version of coq au vin, lots of TV, blobbing, my Welsh chat group, and a walk in a country park. I was pleased we got to see the last of the bluebells and he was happy to see a little family of birds on the river – possibly dippers – I’m not so hot on birds – he knew, but my memory is hazy…
And we were having a lazy start to Sunday, when I was thinking – another lovely weekend of friendship and non-blush-making benefits when I rushed to the loo after the delightful Paddy O’Connell on R4’s Broadcasting House. And on my return there was a cushion in the centre of the bed as he had decided to celebrate 12 months of fun with me by giving ME a beating! I think I may have huffed and protested, but a bit hollow. I’m all for unexpected fun in the sex/kink area!
He had thought about 12 times 12 with using various implements, but decided that was a bit much! However, by the time he’d tried out a fair number of my hitty toys, I’m not sure there many less than 144 strokes!
And he was generous enough to give me lots of attention resulting in a lovely orgasm, and I repaid him with nipple clamps, pinwheel, scratching and biting. I have never really been a biter, but somehow, I can’t resist! I love teasing and nursery-slope-torture. And feel quite safe that he is pretty tough thanks to the pain and pleasure he gets elsewhere.
Which brings us neatly to this weekend! He was off gallivanting and possibly getting a flirting opportunity with the woman he knows in everyday life, who was possibly interested. And this was to be followed by a BDSM event of Dommes and Goddesses and sub servers and worshippers. It was a follow-up from his last event with more opportunities for one-on-one action and impact play* and the Domme who interests him would be there again and they had exchanged casual correspondence. So he was in for an exciting time!
I had a very pleasant weekend that included tai-chi qi gong, sorting my freezer, catching up with filing including bits of paper that were over 12 years old – very satisfying but definitely not a spectator sport! And lots of puzzle, novel-reading, radio and TV. And my Subby Spiritual Elf got in touch as he had a free weekend, so we decided to have a day out. We were going to go to a spiritual fayre, but he got the date wrong. So then it was a witchy one, but that too was for another weekend. And so we ended up on a steam train which was lovely and followed by a drive back through the valleys and I rewarded him with a trip to my local Chinese eatery.
We were fit for very little other than a cuppa and some TV. I offered him the opportunity to dress up, and he did so – and came back in a new maid’s costume. So after some TV we went through his punishment/log book and he’d not quite got it, but had had a go and his writing was very neat. And he promised to do it properly, when I showed him what was expected. And it semed rude not to punish him as he was all dressed up and he HAD picked up his phone when driving, AND got into bad vaping habits…
As said – I’m a bit of a softy on the giving and receiving end of punishment and avoid the eye-watering stuff, but I do now love swinging an implement and reddening a bum – And I am rather enjoying being a newbie Domestic Domme and Kinky Life Coach/Probation Officer! We had lots of ideas about possible punishments and rewards as I punished and rewarded him, so hopefully the log book and new system should work out well for as long as it is something he wishes to do.
*Impact play is what I call playing with my hitty toys and spanking. He is so BDSM compared with me. Like all groups, BDSMers have their jargon and anacronyms. He’d done a questionnaire re interests, desires, boundaries etc for his event and CBT was one of his choices for a good time. And I honestly couldn’t think what it was – cock and ball torture to the uninitiated – not to be mixed up with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as he pointed out!
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I was just thinking about “that” ad when I was looking for cyber thrills, while keeping my knickers literally and metaphorically in place!
I still find the idea of an old-fashioned hand spanking a really sexy idea. Over a knee is not very practical if you are bigger and older but over his knee along a sofa works rather well. “Assume the position” is all very well, but for me as a spankee rather than full-on sub, holding a difficult position is a turn-off that interferes with the main event – the spanking. And yes – being bent over something is very erotic – as is recent experience of kneeling on bucket chair and bending over the back of it – very weak-knee’d…
And punishment by a lover or potential lover is still the main erotic fantasy. And I’m still very influenced by 50’s movies and imagery – but with stretchier stockings, suspenders and knickers. And I love the petticoats! Bosses, men in authority and similar all still get a starring role, but in SpinsterWorld they want to be with me and are torn between spanking and fucking – although spanking happens as a gateway… In real life, it’s usually easier to trust someone with sex before opening the toy box…
…aah yes, the toy box… I think I lack a dap, but have written about them! Hairbrushes and slippers are wonderful pervertibles lying around the house and hairbrushes are definitely among my favourites. Like a hand they can be teasing and just sexy as a sensation or can pack a hearty and ouch-y wallop! I have various paddles including a leather one with a Welsh dragon and some wooden ones – one of which, I acquired in America!
I have a gorgeous old rattan carpet beater and a new one. They provide a great and sting-y thwack, but I worry about their very survival! I still can’t take wooden spoons seriously, but they are mean buggers that have earned their place in the toybox.. I still go weak at the knees with apprehension and uncertainty at the thought of a swishy cane, firm yardstick or whippy plastic ruler but would feel short-changed if they DIDN’T feature! They have earned their place in the urn – too big for the toybox! I love, hate, respect and dread canes.
I still like clothing to be there for appropriate rearranging and uncovering but in reality, nudity dos not seem at all boring. And I’m still not into humiliation other than actual spanking and appropriate lecture on behaviour and fate, but now find some level of Domination from my lovely switchy but sub-identifying polyamorous lover unbelievably sexy and knee-weakening, especially when I fantasise about him swishing a switch!
And of course I’m happily polyamorous and a bit switchy and have now beaten two men and get very aroused doing so…
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Well – was about to blog about my recent experiences, when I noticed an entry on my birthday calendar. It is just over a year since the anniversary of first contact with the ex who was pivotal to my kink journey – and of his son’s birthday! I tend to remember the dates of our first meeting and further firsts we shared but for him first contact remained pivotal – and the birthday probably helped to cement the date!
So, 23 years ago I was in a loving but sexless monogamous relationship, recovering my mental health and energy, writing spanking fiction and looking for a safe outlet for my spanky creative attempts and returning libido. I did actually advertise on the spanking site where we met, but he messaged me before seeing my ad. My ad is super-cringey to me now, but an absolute reflection of who and where I was at the time:
“Naughty Lady/Spanking for Softies: All Talk
Hello!
I’m new to site and looking for some fun exchanges of the cyber kind.
I am a large curvy forty-something female, happily tied and living in Wales.
I’m not looking to meet or confuse r/l with fantasy, but I’ve been fantasising about being spanked for as long as I can remember. I’ve enjoyed browsing and think chatting would be even more fun. The chat rooms seem fast and confusing. I’m quite bright but a bit slow and can’t text so leisurely chats are more my style.
My fantasies are mild, but I’m good on detail. Being put over a man’s knee (lover or justifiably irate potential lover preferably) is my favourite scenario. I’m very influenced by 50’s movies and imagery. Being bent over a suitable piece of furniture is also very erotic. I’m all for tradition and a hand on my bottom is my favourite idea but I thrill at the thought of hairbrush, slipper or dap. I’m intrigued by American paddles and rattan carpet beaters but can’t take wooden spoons seriously. I go weak at the knees with apprehension and uncertainty at the thought of a swishy cane, firm yardstick or whippy plastic ruler… I did say I was a softy…
I like clothing to be there for appropriate rearranging and uncovering… Nudity seems a bit boring. I’m not into humiliation other than actual spanking and appropriate lecture on behaviour and fate.
I would find male spanker correspondents a sexy thrill – Sort of X-rated flirting.
I’m also interested in finding women who understand where I’m coming from and would enjoy similar fantasies or reality on these lines. I’ve been busy putting these ideas into writing and wonder if there is a market for my particular tastes.
Not sure of netiquette. It would be lovely if people responded here (joined thread?) or sent me messages.”
And now at 71, I remember him with affection and thanks and consider my more recent journeys. I am now a happy polyamorist in a lovely sort-of-dating sort-of-relationship with a fabulous foot-loose, sort-of-switchy-sub-identifying friend, playmate and lover – what a journey. And so lovely to have arrived here, although it has been a bit of a mystery tour!
And I get to my computer and discover this will be my 100th blog entry – so happy 100th to me – sort of!
And I will get around to recent stuff – especially as it features my fabulous F-L,S-o-S-S-etc celebrating a year of our fun!
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The opening of a little something I wrote a while back…
Becky knew she was in trouble. She knew that although she usually had all the answers she often didn’t manage to put them into place. She could see life coaching made sense. She knew from her counselling experience that just telling someone your intentions often made it easier to actually do something.
The idea of cyber–coaching was intriguing The as well as practical. She knew she’d meet her coach face-to-face as necessary – Well, she thought uncomfortably, not exactly face-to-face as he was clear to point out his unusual methods… the contract was very clear. She would only agree to tasks they both decided were reasonable, achievable and in her best interests. He would encourage her and if she failed to keep her side of the contract she would be spanked.
Becky realised that finding a life-coach on the spanking site was unusual, but as she was an unpublished writer of the genre it wasn’t surprising she browsed there. She was open to admitting that she fantasised about spanking but she was definitely not looking for real-life experience; at least that’s what she told herself. She also told herself that as she was scrupulous about honouring contracts she would have an additional incentive to keep to her resolutions. She didn’t want to end up skirts raised and knickers down over a stranger’s lap did she? At least that’s another thing she told herself…
There were so many reasons she hadn’t kept up her carefully planned resolutions. Life was so complicated. She knew this was true but if she wasn’t too proud to have admitted this, she was confident that the Coach would have been reasonable and suggested rescheduling. But, no, Becky had struggled on determinedly and pig-headedly and the result was just more chaos. Deep down she knew she was probably testing boundaries to find out if the Coach was ‘a safe pair of hands’. She shivered as she thought about the plans those ‘safe hands’ now had for her. She realised her spanking was going to be more about attitude, trust and boundaries than incomplete tasks.
And so the very grown-up, independent Becky found herself stood on the Coach’s doorstep, shaking with dread, anticipation and no little sexual excitement. Of course Becky tried to deny the excitement; why that would almost mean admitting she had engineered this! She was wearing a simple frock that was full-skirted and mid-calf in length. Although Becky was a big woman she liked to be unrestricted and her big breasts rested easily in the slightly fitted bodice of her frock. She didn’t realise that despite the warmth of the day, her nipples were stiff with excitement and clearly visible through her cotton dress. She preferred stockings to tights and her smart, dark hosiery were held up by a pretty black suspender belt. She was glad she’d worn her high-heeled sandals as they made her feel sexy and confident usually, but as her legs trembled she wondered if they were such a good idea. Becky was wide-hipped and wore high-cut black French knickers. They covered most of her big bottom and gently flared out under her dress as she stood there on the Coach’s doorstep. They did not quite cover the whole of her generous bum and she knew the lower curve of her cheeks would be visible if she raised her dress. She also knew that if she bent over (and she knew she would be doing so) her knickers would tighten over her rump and leave part of her poor bottom exposed for his ministrations. She also knew that although her first spanking would be over her knickers, she was also to receive further punishment that the Coach had described as ‘on the bare…’
Becky liked to be punctual and had ensured she’d allowed plenty of time to be ringing his bell at the exact hour they had agreed. As well as her notes, and usual feminine paraphernalia her handbag contained the frighteningly solid wooden hairbrush she’d been instructed to buy and bring. Becky tried to convince herself that her shopping trip to Debenhams had not left her weak kneed with excitement as well as dread. Becky was a liberated woman and had no problems with coming to terms with her need for occasional solo-pleasure. She may not be in the habit of rushing for her vibrator after a shopping trip but it was probably her hormones, she told herself. She knew she couldn’t really kid herself. As Becky had worn down her batteries and thought about sliding that solid wooden handle into herself she imagined the Coach making firmer use of the flat head on her terrified bum. She told herself once more that she was only interested in fantasy as she heard him approach the door…
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At 54 I became single and this evolved into a friends with benefits philosophy as I wanted fun, intimacy and sex and didn’t want to hang around waiting for Mr Right. If he came along, I was more than happy to change my lifestyle, but I wasn’t going to just hang around hoping, when there are so many Mr GoodEnoughs out there. This kind of morphed into polyamory and has worked well for me this past 17 years, but can be hard for some to get their heads around.
A while back I met a pleasant, easy-going Mr GoodEnough and he was bruised from a recent break up. It seemed he had been unfaithful. He was very easy company – one of those men so laid back that he was practically horizontal as they say. He seemed happy with on-going no-strings casual, but I suspect was used to a partner’s disapproval!
He was one of the laziest men I’d ever met, but that was fine. I’d ask him about his week and to my amusement, he’d start to list any achievements which may be true or not… I would remind him he was his own man and tell him I wasn’t his wife or Probation Officer! And that has kind of become my mantra, explaining to men that having me in their life didn’t mean guilt trips and duties. I expect to be treated with respect and consideration – as I treat them. As long as they are not compromising their health and well-being, I feel their behaviour is not my business. As a friend, however, I would be concerned if I thought they were in a bad place and would always try to be supportive – the joys of boundaries in a complex world!
So – I have been thinking about my Subby Spiritual Elf. When we were friends with benefits before, he was actively improving his life and seemed to get a lot from encouragement and my approval. I knew he was a cross dresser but he hadn’t “come out” as subby although he knew I was a spankee. As a friend I was happy to support his self-improvement efforts.
And now he is back in my life naked, or dressed as a maid and doing my washing up when not being a bedroom slave. He’s been through some other changes of lifestyle, and once again, looking to self-improvement. And – once again – I have admired and encouraged his efforts to do so. And that’s when I had my naughty thought.
As a nascent domestic domme with no capital letters I am not looking to do full-on lifestyle Domme-ly stuff, especially with a casual, ongoing relationship. But could a NddWNCL impose tasks and expectations to help a FwB improve his life? So of course, I got the giggles at the thought – I could be his kinky Probation Officer/Life Coach!
I suggested it to him after he had done my washing up dressed as my maid, and he liked the idea. So he is going to keep a log/punishment-achievement book and I will supervise his progress with appropriate rewards and punishments. He’ll list an appropriate menu of rewards and punishments to choose from so he keeps control of boundaries and consent, and I shall see how it works…
Years back when I was fully in spankee iteration I wrote a story about a spanking Life Coach. Must look it up…
The Spinster's Exploits 