The Spinster's Exploits

Sex, sensuality and possibly spanking after seventy…

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The Spinster is a 70-year-old South Walian who doesn’t believe sex, sensuality and fun stop at seventy. There is more to growing old disgracefully than wearing purple 💜- although she does love purple! She considers herself to have dual sexuality as she loves vanilla but something gets unleashed when she is spanked by the right person… She is excited to have reached this significant milestone and thrilled to discover erotic possibilities can be there for the taking. Oh! And she can be a touch up herself and talk about herself in the third person – but nothing a good spanking won’t cure!😉🤭

  • Home repairs, giant spiders and bathtub musings on “Layla” and “He’s just not that into you”

    So I decided that I really shouldn’t do tai chi without a bath, only to find one of those ginormous meaty-legged spiders on guard…

    I’m not scared of spiders, but other than money spider-sized ones, I can’t bring myself to touch them. Luckily I had a spider-catching kit available – a plastic tumbler and a postcard. I don’t mind the ginormous meaty-legged spiders, but hate the thought of accidently severing one of said-generously proportioned limbs. Luckily I caught it without detaching any bits and got it safely out of the window.

    My last spider-removal was a smaller beast, who’d secretly managed to release a Peter Parker-like thread and leapt back through the window and freaked me out as he scuttle behind the hand basin. We’re probably still housemates…

    So I got into my spider-free tub and started thinking about window sill repairs and grab rails and a nice woman called Layla who helps organise such boring things –  and got the “Layla” earworm! 

    It’s a sexy song, and I started to think about it as Clapton’s pursuit of Pattie Boyd and about how many songs by men are fabulously sensual but are actually all about their desire and nothing to do with the object of their passion. In the spirit of equality – I’m sure there are female offenders too!

    And thinking of eager men and the not-so-eager ones got me thinking of that fabulous phrase and film “He’s Just Not That Into You” – a reminder that trying to work out secret signals and imagined body language, backstories and excuses as to why he hasn’t called – is a waste of energy. 

    So – my current erotic life –  my young coffeeshop man rang to explain that he thinks he had food poisoning when he cancelled on me. He said he was still keen and had the brilliant idea of me visiting him in his new home! I gave him the brief version of basic safety for females 101 – and that I wasn’t going to rock up at his before another meeting in public to get each other’s measure. He reassured me he wanted me to feel safe and comfortable, but all quiet on the Western Front and more tumbleweed…

    I shall be getting a visit from my spiritual elf later today and my slightly kinky widower is looking forward to our next encounter, so not exactly a desert around here despite the silences from my possibly interested parties on the kink site…

  • Feminist rant on the approach of Diana’s thirtieth anniversary…

    I am sickened by the battle of two privileged, misogynistic woman-abusers going into battle over possession of the “truth” over Diana. I find both Charleses loathsome and decided to have a one-woman protest and reread “Diana, Princess of Wales: How Sexual Politics Shook the Monarchy” by the seriously impressive Beatrix Campbell.

    It is erudite, properly researched, understanding – and a page turner – I’d forgotten what an easy read it was for a feminist-Marxist critique of the “first family” and the patriarchy!

    It is absolutely humane, and reflects the woman who was abused and sacrificed. And now she is resurrected by her horrible brother for his financial gain and the pseudo-“rescue” of her reputation to enhance his own – as he raises money to deal with his latest divorce…

    A plague on both your houses and all that. Thank you Beatrix!

  • Endings, crotchless long johns and swallowing live frogs…

    So – another weekend that wasn’t exactly as planned. I felt the loss of my recent ex f-w-b more keenly because we had plans for the weekend and we were going to spend it together. As someone with personal and professional knowledge of grief and lesser losses, I believe it is important to honour and grieve connections when they end to acknowledge and value their worth. Endings may be chosen or not, but unless there is a clear victim, there is loss of something that once had value. So, this weekend for me was a little sad and left me somewhat unsettled.

    We had planned to go to another event organised by a member of the kink site – a party on the lines of the one we’d attended a little while back and I wrote about – an event/party in a sports bar hired for exclusive use with the bar providing the staff. There was no “play” or nudity allowed, but fetish-wear was encouraged and celebrated It was open to members of kink site and a site used – I believe – for swingers and people looking for like-minded hook-ups/casual encounters.

    This time there was going to be a demo of wax play and a display of what some call impact play implements and what I call “hitty toys”. I decided I wasn’t up to going on my own, and it was a bit soon to see my lovely recent ex in public.

    So, despite my usual pleasant diversions, I did find myself somewhat restless on Friday evening and aware of his absence and wondering how the party was going… And then I got a message from my Elvish playmate to say he was at the party! I had told him about the one we’d attended as I thought it would be a good place for him to connect with other cross-dressers – seems he agreed! I did feel a bit Billy-No-Mates but was also amused by the thought of them both being there, while I was watching “Ludwig” and feeling a bit sorry for myself…

    In fairness my weekend got a bit more interesting, and on Saturday I met a very young man (26!) who wrote to me on the kink site. It seems he’s not sub or dom or switch but his friend says the site could cure his heartache and I sounded approachable!

    I felt something of a an Agony aunt/grannie! He was very confused. He had been in a two-year relationship that had not become sexual, and she ended it and he was upset. His male friend who had also gone through something had discovered the site and found it a cure for his sadness! I said it sounded like his friend was using s/M stuff like alcohol or drugs and tried to understand where this young man was coming from.

    He is from a religious background, still at home and I think still sees sex as part of marriage. It was hard to see what he was after, as he seemed to have a very vague idea of kink, but sort of thought sub stuff may be something – or not…. I tried explaining about state of mind and that submission can be anything from making a cup of tea to getting beaten, and suggested he did some research. I have no idea if he was after a platonic girlfriend or a sex partner or Mistress or just a friendly ear. I did say if kink was working for his friend it was because he felt drawn to it.

    I’ve left it to him to be in touch if he wants to meet for a further chat or anything more.

    When I’m a bit blue or unsettled and when I’ve had anxiety and stress I struggle with good eating, sleeping and hygiene routines, and been a bit chaotic recently. So am inordinately pleased with myself at having done a couple of slowcooker meals for myself around braised chops and steak, got my homemade stock in the freezer before it went off, and today boiled a ham and made soup while catching up with my washing up!

    A friend swears by a self-help thing where you get the worst task done first – swallow the live frog – and then your day gets better… I get it, but sometimes I can’t face tackling putting away the dishes from the draining board, let alone the frog task! So I’m more – less is enough. Take two items upstairs when you go to the loo, and ignore the bigger pile that needs moving. And if I get a spurt of energy I may at least look at the frog, but definitely not touch it or swallow it. And I may do a lesser task and feel a sense of achievement.

    So my side passage and pantry are an embarrassment, and my freezer needs a good sort out, but I had a lovely lunch of freshly boiled ham, amid a shrunken washing-up pile and decided I’d sort out the tights drawer! I do have a stocking drawer and several lingerie drawers, but the sensible knickers and tights are also part of life and now it’s getting autumnal, the drawer was looking very chaotic and annoying.

    I have several pairs of long johns I use as an alternative to tights as they are warm and breathable cotton and live in the tights drawer. I like to go commando, but sometimes I need a layer of warmth. I have now solved to problem – I have cut out the gussets! I now have crotchless long johns for those chilly days, but my fanny can be nicely airy as I prefer! So – my doctored long johns are now in their own section alongside my everyday tights and the more naughty crotchless and suspender tights I wear for more interesting encounters…

    The sun is shining, I’ve read most of The Observer, had a nice lunch, enjoyed my sunny conservatory and have a tidy tights drawer and I have blogged – I am having a good day and once again count my blessings.

  • Vanilla-ish sex – the “more anon”

    So my 50-something chaotic time-poor slightly kinky widower – I did see him and I have now had the discussion about timings, and it seems he’s very happy to have monthly get-togethers at the reasonable time of about 10 0n a Saturday, when I will bravely sacrifice my Welsh chat group!

    Quick recap – and I’m not sure what I’ve already said – I met my lovely 50-somethingC-T-PS-K-W via a dating site and were getting to know each other before Covid. We planned to see each other when the first lockdown started. After several months of isolation, we decided to start seeing each other. Prior to this, I’d been celibate for a while and remember telling my best female friend that what I really fancied was a decent shag!

    Now – as said – I don’t have vaginal orgasms, but I enjoy the sensations of fucking, and never really fancied anything else “up me”. I may also have said I DO own a rabbit – bought after all the hype – but my first reaction was to feel a bit daunted by it! I get my vibratory kicks from something more clitoral. I have had various iterations of “magic wands” influenced by the great Betty Dodson, but my vibe of choice nowadays is a single speed bullet.

    So – back to decent shags of the unfeathered kind – My fabulous 50-somethingC-T-PS-K-W is a very decent shag indeed. I wear shoes and stockings of his choice and away he goes – like a very refined and imaginative version of the Duracell bunny! He knows my erogenous zones, loves snogging and revels in the fact he can make me very wet very quickly. I get seriously shagged and vibed in various positions, and he enjoys looking at my feet and watching me come.

    I am doing my best to preach quality not quantity, but he loves me having several orgasms and always keeps count! I’m pretty chuffed that despite being an overweight 71 year-old I can get my feet wrapped around his shoulders, and he rather likes that too! I also like scissoring as it can be deep but quite slow and relaxed as well as quite intimate.

    After two strong vibe-induced orgasms while fucking, I’d decided I’d had enough of the vibe, and was just enjoying the penetration, when we moved to scissoring and access was easier, and another orgasm seemed quite appealing…

    And we finished – as so often – with the intimacy of good old missionary where I could see his face as he finally came…

    I guess staying on good terms with one’s exes has definite advantages, as sometimes they can reappear in one’s life. Our first time back together was lovely and had a delightful familiarity, but this second encounter just seemed more relaxed, without losing the heightened eroticism of newish beginnings – very hot!

    Once again I count my blessings at having such lovely men in my life to brighten my spinsterish days…

  • Not the weekend I planned…

    Once again, the goddesses decided to stir things up for mice, men and feminists – but no complaints from me!

    I am just back from a solo trip to my local Indian, where I had a lovely meal in a very quiet restaurant. I do eat alone in caffs, pubs and restaurants at lunchtime, but rarely in the evening when at home. I did debate a takeaway, but decided the restaurant would be nicer, and it was.

    So, this morning, I kindly offered my Spiritual Elf a daytime slot for a catch-up and the chance to explain about answering questions in messages when they’re about meeting up… And it was after we arranged that, I had the Coffeeshop man’s message.

    So I had a solo morning in bed catching up with Radio Wales news, followed by the fabulous Paddy O’Connell and Radio 4’s “Broadcasting House” – a perfect start. I ambled out for “The Observer” and continued my day as a liberal leftie cliché once again… Some TV, music, puzzles -Suguru is current favourite – and a bacon sandwich filled the delightful gaps.

    And then my Elvish visitor arrived for cuppa and a chat – all very civilised – and of course I accepted the kind offer of a foot massage, but getting at my heels was easier lying down, and a shame not to have more of a massage, and a shame not to give my breasts some attention, and with all that attention it seemed a shame not to grab the trusty bullet vibe for my fourth orgasm of the weekend!

    I’m still a liberal leftie cliché, but one who’s having a lot more fun than may be picked up from my everyday activities.

  • Trains and boats and planes and men – The joys of polyamorist logistics!

    Well – my time-strapped chaotic widower checked in that still all ok for our early morning assignation; we both confirmed and his allocated flight time worked perfectly – more anon… I also negotiated a better time slot and we have agreed to regular sessions every month or so.

    Meanwhile I awoke today to a message from my increasingly dizzy Spiritual Elf asking what time today! I told him his slot – I’d allowed him a whole day – was no longer available, but happy to have a social meet and catch up. He was suitably apologetic, and we arranged to meet this afternoon.

    And then I got a message from Coffeeshop man suggesting a postponement as he thinks he may be coming down with a cold… I responded positively and told him to take care – He does have a very physical job, and I think he needs to look after himself. Not sure if he’s blowing hot and cold – no pun intended – but pleased to have had message and not just have a “no show”. We hadn’t arranged a meeting place, but we had settled on a time. I shall see if the tumbleweed returns, or if he’s playing weird games, but as both my other lovers are responding to me logistical requests and Coffeeshop man kept me updated, all is well in SpinsterWorld!

    When in the past, I’ve always been amused at idea of me being a Domme, I’ve been aware that assertiveness can be misinterpreted. But I wonder if I may be getting an extra boost from exploring my nascent inner Domme! Like most reasonable people who try to be assertive, it doesn’t always work, but I’m happy with my recent boundary-setting.

    And meanwhile my lovely recent ex has hopefully had a fabulous time at his Goddess Worship event – the reason I knew I was free for extra-curricular fun this weekend, well in advance for practising my logistic skills!

  • Polyamory catch up 2…

    Hmmm… London buses, internet dating and attempting to be a polyamorist – nothing for a while and then several possibilities all at once – and am I grateful?  Well -yes – but also a little peeved – more anon…

    So, before the break-up with my most regular lover, I knew I wouldn’t be seeing him for a couple of weekends due to other commitments. And I decided to I offer first dibs to the Coffeeshop Man for last weekend – and as said – the silence was deafening and I may have spotted some tumbleweed blowing through. I had a lovely weekend to myself and – as also said – wrote him off other than an ajar door.

    And this weekend I offered to my 50-something chaotic time-poor slightly kinky widower which he accepted – tomorrow morning at 8a.m.

    So, my subby cross-dressing Spiritual Elf was on nights this week and discovered he was off this weekend, so I offered him Sunday if he wanted to meet, and he’s not got back to me. I have texted to check he’s ok as he had stuff going on, and heard nothing, but got thumbs up when I asked again if ok. So – I feel I’ve done my best as friend and FwB and over to him…

    And then Coffeeshop Man pushes the door… it seems he had an unexpected house move due to his landlord hiking up his rent and he’s moved from the Bristol area to the Midlands. I explained I’d given up on him due to silence, and he apologised for not being in touch. If all true, I can see how I dropped off the list. When I explained my assumption of lack of interest, he was very keen to make a firm arrangement, despite the distance. So – I have a dinner date for 6 on Sunday. I shall see – watch this space…

    And my peevishness – I’m very understanding of the time-poverty of my 8a.m. lover, but this morning I awoke at 5 – the joys of septuagenarianism! – and couldn’t get back to sleep and felt put out at having an early start to the following day thanks to my “date”. He no longer has school-age children, but does have a new job with long hours and does work for friends. However, he manages to do the things he chooses and must have to decide what and when. So, I’ve decided if all he can offer me is 8a.m. then he doesn’t actually have time for a relationship/situationship with me, as 8.a.m really doesn’t suit me. He’s lovely and a fabulous lover; but if I’m peeved about the 8a.m. timeslot, I have to wonder why I’m doing it. To be discussed with him tomorrow…

    So, between the Elvish and Coffeeshop men’s silences I did start wondering if I was going to have to go all proactive. I made a half-hearted attempt, and posted my menopause/libido thoughts on the kink site and got some attention and back in conversation with the possibly switchy Dom. Interesting exchange about whether kink takes over from vanilla in older age when flesh is weaker.  And we’ve mused about possibility of over 55s kink group in South Wales.

    I shall see if my weekend turns out to live up to its promise. Two to three lovers seems more than reasonable…

  • Polyamorist catch-up…

    So – I no longer have my fabulous sub-identifying Friend with Benefits I was sort of dating; but the force through the green fuse” that “drives the flower” is still pulsing away.

    I asked my subby cross-dressing Spiritual Elf about bondage just out of curiosity as he is such a “busy” character, but is very calm when giving me foot massages. He liked the idea, and I found myself responding to the idea of binding him to the bed. Nice to be nudged by the wild goat…

    I have had a message from the coffeeshop man, but despite telling him of availability and his apparent interest, I didn’t hear from him. I’ve decided to give up on him, but leave a door ajar.

    I once had a very young man match ridiculously highly with me on an old-style dating app. We met and liked each other, but I’d then just get odd messages which I suspect were driven by boredom or alcohol and he made no effort to actually meet again. And then he did – most likely out of curiosity or boredom. I decided it was worth a meet just for the hell of it – I even gave up a tai chi session to see him.

    He was an exceptionally tall young man in his twenties, and we’d literally talked for hours about life, the universe and films on our one and only public meeting. He introduced me to idea of Korean films way before they had become mainstream. I decided that if it turned to be a one-off that would be fine. I’m not generally into hook ups/one-night-stands, but had some rewarding ones in my late twenties, so why not?

    I had a lovely time with him, and I may do so with my possibly tea-making, massage-promising young coffeeshop man if he were to get in touch…

    My 50-something chaotic time-poor slightly kinky widower is pencilled in for the coming weekend, and my subby cross-dressing Spiritual Elf is also hoping to be free for the weekend. So, like the days of internet dating, it may be feast and famine without my regular fixes of a more regular FwB…

    All quiet on the kink site, since I saw off a potential FwB in the other coffeeshop. I have however heard from a Dom who used to have his own playroom! He seems to be making a reverse journey to mine and got switchy, but all has gone quiet there. An experienced Dom switch may be interesting, though – perhaps I should suggest a meet for a chat…

    I’m very aware that while not easy for women, this polyamory lark is easier for us females than it is for men. There are of course a lot of “frogs” we don’t get to kiss, or choose not to – but we seem more able to meet potential FWBs/lovers. I have had two lovely polyamorist men in my life, who were very relieved to have found someone – me! – while their female partners seemed to be doing fine. I am now aware of a site for swingers/polyamorists which seems to work for its users, but not tried myself. Members of said site were at the quite kinky party I attended, as well as folk from the kink site.

  • Testosterone and libido

    You may have noticed – I have a bit of a thing about attitudes to older women and assumptions about their sexuality. And sadly – in our society “older” starts at the perimenopause!

    So – I was listening to the Welsh news and discovered that in Wales there are women going through the menopause, and realising that testosterone can help. It was said in an almost embarrassed aside that it is used to enhance the libido, but God forbid that that was why they wanted it!

    It was all about the women feeling like their “normal selves”.  And why not? If something gives you back your feeling of being who you really are and gets rid of horrid and unwanted symptoms and feelings – great!  And that was the focus of the story – women feeling like their “old selves” and nothing about sex or libido.

    But why can’t feeling sexy/horny/desirable/moist also be “who they are” for some women?! It doesn’t have to all stop at the menopause.

    I am fully aware that some are more than happy to leave their sexuality/libido behind, and that’s great. I’m all for asexuality as a choice. But some women – like some men enjoy having a sex-drive, and it makes them feel their true authentic selves. And that should be acknowledged and encouraged.

    I think for some “not going gentle into that good night” and raging “against the dying of the light” can be about our libidos as well as ageing and death. I can live happily without sex and have done so, due to circumstances, rather than an active choice. But I just feel that being sexually active makes me feel more complete. For me – libido is “the force through the green fuse” that “drives the flower”. Unlike some – including I suspect Dylan himself – I have never felt a hostage to my sexuality, so lack the more negative elements of the force.

    My favourite analogy of sex is that of the wild goat. On – I believe – Valentine’s Day, 2018, I caught the end of something on Radio 4 about older people and sex. According to a woman (who I think was playing Devil’s advocate) we of a certain age should be finding pleasure in quality alcohol and being relieved to be untethered from the wild goat of our sexuality.

    While I can enjoy delicious food, sunsets and a good book – though not all at once – I believe it’s also fabulous to still be semi-tethered at any age. So – I like to see myself in a loose bondage situationship with my personal wild goat of sexuality.

  • Origin Stories – My subby cross-dressing Spiritual Elf

    It was a day with my SCDSE that got me thinking about “origin stories” as he’s given his history a lot of thought.

    He is a bratty, mischievous rule-breaker in life and play. He probably has ADHD, and may be bipolar – he has trouble concentrating and has mood swings and can be self-destructive, but is genuinely trying to cope and rebuild his life. He is also playful, kind, artistic, open and thoughtful, although chaos, often lurks…

    We were having a day out exploring the bays of West Wales to celebrate his birthday and he was musing on why he was what he was. He has early memories of wanting to wear women’s clothing and as a child planned to have his own place so he could do so. His father was complex – domineering and believing in “real men”, while wanting to break rules, be everyone’s friend and live a supposed hippy life style, while his family tip-toed around him. His mother was a rule-giver, which my friend undermined where-ever he could.

    He sees his sissification and subbiness as a reaction to the “real man” ideal – become a woman instead. He is aware that he rebels in his submissiveness, but hadn’t connected it with his attitude to his mother. And was curious about his attitude to power and had a lightbulb moment about staying in control while giving over control. Because – as the boundary-setter – the sub is usually acknowledged as the person with most power in a sub/Dom/me dynamic.