The Spinster's Exploits

I loved all the mad acronyms and abbreviations that abounded on websites and forums, when I first started lurking on the spanking site of my choice. Some were generic – “Ta-ta for now” and “be right back” but one of my favourites was “This Thing That We Do”. I loved the simplicity and acceptance of the phrase and the ease of using such a handy little abbreviation when discussing the topic of choice.

Funnily enough, politics, current affairs, religion and every topic imaginable also abounded on my chosen site. The jaded oldies – which I guess I became – tended to use the “Other topics” forum rather than the “Spanking” one, where the excited newbies got over our/their excitement about having somewhere to discuss “it”!

What is not realised by those without the experience, is that the virtual online forums before the current social media were a fabulous place to connect and virtual friendships were real friendships. So, once you had a place to discuss spanking, it was also nice to find out how others were doing, or argue politics or literature, cause mischief or be supportive. I have witnessed levels of care and concern on the spanky site, The BBC Archers forum and the Round Britain Quiz(!) forum over bereavement, ill-health and disaster, that was as genuine as I have encountered elsewhere. People sometimes meet, but often don’t. I still have warm memories of my Woman’s Hour and other forum friends as I do of those on the spanky site.

But when not catching up with friends and arguing over spanking in “Under Milk Wood”; swapping advice on cake-making or managing depression; or debating the Catholic Church’s definition of atonement, my spanky site was a great place to think about and discuss TTTWD.

Now most of us who HAVE a TTWD have thought long and hard about why we have a “thing” and most of us have an origin story. This is mine:

I was born in the 50s and was brought up as a Catholic. I was very shy and was bullied from a young age. I remember being so terrified of some children that I would do anything to avoid them. No thrills there. There were also the children in my school who thought me beyond contempt, so they ignored me. This meant I spent a lot of time daydreaming. As a Catholic I was well versed in concepts of submission, ‘offering up suffering’,  sacrifice and tales of martyrs. Some clues, perhaps? I suspect, though, there are an awful lot of women brought up similarly who find my tastes peculiar.  Although I did not comprehend the idea of sexual fantasy until well into my teens, I had early fantasies of vague suffering at the hand of those who were somehow my inferior. My superiority lay in the nobility with which I bore the persecution – definitely a touch of the martyr! I also remember imagining scenes of spanking.

What was it about that word? It had a magic for me and the fascination of the unknown. As a child I didn’t want to be spanked but found the subject thrilling. I know I hated pain. At home discipline was rarely physical. When it was, it was a hastily administered slap on the leg from my mother, which I hated and resented. My father has never physically chastised me. At school the thought of the cane terrified me, and I was thankful that it seemed the preserve of the boys – an early bit of sexism for which I was thankful. Boys usually got the cane on their hand but there was something exciting about the idea of bending over and receiving punishment ‘Whacko’ style. Most teachers commonly administered a slap on the leg or bottom, but I never received one, as I was a ‘good’ girl. I remember only fear at the thought of rousing a teacher to slap me.

The question that intrigues me (and I never dared ask in case I ‘gave myself away’) is this: Were the fifties and sixties full of spanking images or did I ‘see’ them because of a predisposition? Did the following make me into somebody with these tendencies or did I simply notice them because of who or what I am? Nature/nurture – Don’t you just love it? The memories from my childhood include:

 *Dennis the Menace and Beryl the Peril always getting spanked in the comics

*The afore-mentioned “Whacko” films and similar

*50s films on T.V. where the interesting, ‘feisty’ young woman is spanked by the man she loves and becomes submissive

*Similar films where same type as above falls in love with the only man who ‘dares’ to spank her

*Doris Day films where Doris is interesting and feisty then becomes a pushover in love – I’m not sure if she ever gets spanked but somehow it would fit the plot if she did

*John Wayne spanking a young woman – no idea why

 *An episode of ‘Bonanza’ where an ‘Indian squaw’ is apparently badly behaved and is spanked (off-screen?) with a hairbrush. The hairbrush becomes a ‘reminder’ for her to ‘behave’

*A Superman comic in which Lois is apparently spanked by a Superman robot (for being too inquisitive?) and hides her embarrassing secret; then it is revealed that Superman himself meted out her chastisement, but Lois doesn’t know this.

I cannot guarantee the full authenticity of my memories but the above are what I believe I remember and I’ve seen enough repeats and old films to confirm their truth in principle. So, did you notice too? Perhaps you were indifferent or indignant? Me? I tingled and still do.

The tingling continued. I would imagine scenarios where handsome men meted out punishments to naughty girls or women. While these secret fantasies were thrilling, I didn’t see them as sexual and I discovered my sexuality in a vanilla context. Actually progressing to intercourse through the tortuous stages of ‘courting’ were as much sexuality as I could handle. And yet in a separate little world the spanking thoughts were there.

As I became more sexually aware I realised sexual fantasy was part of the sexual experience.

While all this is my truth, I don’t obsess about it – I just accept I have a bit of a kink, and that’s simply who I am.

I have no idea why any of us have our ‘kink’, but I’m not really bothered about that any more. Like the perfect cup of tea, the sun on my back, chocolate, fabulous scenery, or the sea it simply works for me. And the pain is part of the pleasure. This is my simple response to why I am what I am.