The Spinster's Exploits

As one door closes…

30th Jul 2026

Well – I had a busy week with family, gardening, dog groomers and everydaynesses so had limited options to offer my potential new lover. Sadly, he was working longer than expected and wasn’t able to meet me on day arranged, but did keep me updated. Radio silence since though, so not sure if the moment passed for him and/or he has charmed someone else nearer home or more available…

Meanwhile another possibility has strolled across my horizon…

Before Covid I met a rather nice, handsome man twenty years my junior. He was a chaotic time-poor, slightly kinky widower with school age children looking for a connection but not a full-on relationship because of his situation. We had chemistry and attempted to meet to take things further, but it was difficult. We finally managed to get together, then Covid prevented any follow up.

And then he lost his job and had more time, and we started to meet at my home, and I acquired a gorgeous younger lover to brighten my otherwise isolated life. And when he got re-employed, it was quite flexible and so our times together continued although now mainly at a hotel nearer his work and home.

His kink was quite a simple one – just certain footwear and he was as happy as the proverbial Larry. We met through a dating site that had profiles and seemed a good match. At the time my last kinky friend with benefits had become more of just a friend and I was missing and fantasising about vanilla – as I told a friend I really fancied a damned good fucking! I love getting spanked, and I love orgasms, but I really enjoy the sensation of getting fucked. As said before – I don’t come through penetrative sex, but I love the feel and the thrusting – mmmmm…I would have welcomed a spanking fucker, but I was focussed more on actual sex than spanking at the time.

And my CT-PSKW delivered. He was very enthusiastic and happy to incorporate my trusty bullet vibe and he loved watching me orgasming in between some very enthusiastic fucking and other attentions. And he was seriously impressed by my magically self-lubricating youthful fanny! And tickled by the fact I was twenty years older than him, and we were having amazing sex…

A change of job and demanding home life and health issues meant that after a few years of regular meets, we called it a day. And it was after this that I had my unplanned celibacy and then met my delightful sub-identifying-but–switchy-polyamorous-lover-etc and also explains why I was feeling somewhat unkinky after celibacy and a very enjoyable few years of vanilla.

So… it seems my chaotic time-poor, slightly kinky widower is still seriously overworked but the kids are young adults, and we’ve been trying to get together but I wondered if it was an unrealistic wish as it’s not proved possible – until now! He is pencilled in my diary for an early morning get-together before he has to attend a meeting! Will be interesting to see how we get on after a gap of a few years…

Oh! And note to self – must remember to write about new neighbours, being the Scarlet Woman, spanking to the beat of “Hit me With your Rhythm Stick”, tai-chi qi gong-meanderings, and “Pudenda to Infinity!”…
Undulating rug, floaters, flashes and meeting a man in a coffee shop…

24th Jul 2026

I suspect I suffer from a kind of health/wellness arrogance. I take pride in things that are mere good fortune health-wise. My weird hormones that mean I had easy periods and menopause and still have a self-lubricating fanny is one such piece of good fortune. My eyesight that requires little help at 71 is another. My general good health despite years of laziness and poor diet is something I take for granted.

I recently noticed weird lights in the sky in my peripheral vision, that disappeared when I turned my head. I forgot about it until it happened several times and realised that it seemed to be either my brain or eyes at fault rather than UFOs in South Wales. I wondered whether I should attempt to consult my GP or whether I was allowed another eye test when I’d had one recently. And then I forgot about it until the sun was making patterns on the sofa to my side – but only when I wasn’t looking there. I was fascinated, so tried several times but it did not succeed in catching it out or find the source for light play. And I suddenly had a new “floater” in my vision – a small black dot that was skipping along merrily as I was reading my book.

And then I happened to glance at my sheepskin rug, and the tips of the fur were brown and the whole thing was undulating – making waves toward and away from the centre! I actually got the giggles deciding I may be bonkers, but it was very funny. And it repeated its trick every time I glanced over. I was going to have to do something!

It may be worth noting I have been teetotal for about 40 years after a history as a limited social drinker and my only experience with drugs was cannabis fairy cakes once about twenty years ago.

Weirdly I forgot about the rug and sofa when I made my hesitant explanations of my concerns. The “UFOs” had happened several times and I’d decided I needed to do something, so that’s what I reported. And when asked about “flashing lights” remembered the light display on the sofa. It was enough to get me an emergency appointment the following day.

So I went along and learnt all about flashes and floaters and learned I don’t have a detached retina (bad) but normal shrinking of my vitreous gel – no big deal – Phew.

Now because of the tests – pupil dilation – I was told I couldn’t drive, so had used the bus service to get to my appointment. And it was a scorcher of a day. Afterwards, I was desperate for refreshment and a loo, so went into a local coffee chain place. I found a shady table and sat sipping my tea and watching passers by and my fellow customers.

One of which, was young man asking about types of tea and which came in a pot. He settled down in my eyeline, nearer the window and shadeless. He poured his tea and disappeared from my consciousness until I heard sighs and saw him looking at what was a ceiling air-con unit, and enquiring of staff if it was working.

I realised I was at the edge of said unit, and my table was cool, unlike his which was in the sun. I looked up, said this to him and told him he was welcome to join me – and he did. We introduced ourselves and had a perfectly civilised conversation about accents, travel, heritage and backgrounds – me Malta, him Nigeria – that veered into pre-history and ancient temples! I had a lovely time and the place was ready to close so we were practically thrown out at about six – this is South Wales!

So we left after what was a delightful encounter with a stranger. We both said that we’d enjoyed meeting, and I thought that was that. He then asked for my number as he’d like to see me again! I was dumbfounded. Was he considering me romantically and/or sexually? I gave him my number and wondered…

…The wondering didn’t last! He rang me and made it perfectly plain that he was attracted to me and to older, larger women… He could of course be after my pension and worldly goods – or not…

I’ve agreed to meet again for a cuppa in a public place, but not yet happened due to our commitments. He knows I have two lovers and not at all fazed by it.

I have been very cynical about younger men hitting on older women. As one of my neighbours once informed me – if you go for the old or ugly, you’re more likely to get laid. I have to admit this charming young man didn’t look like he’d have difficulty picking up younger women, though…

So – despite my cynicism this is yet another area of life The Spinster has a theory! I have decided there are three categories of young men who will consider a large age gap. The first is those who see the person and connect with the essence of another regardless of looks and age. The second is those simply attracted to older women – a fetish/preference/kink/whatever. And the third is the rule-breakers/transgressors – they just enjoy breaking taboos.

Not sure if it will happen but I may be getting a new lover…
Health, Biorhythms, Unexpected Erections in the Bedding Area,Talking Dirty and Stuffing a Chicken…

23rd Jul 2026

Sometimes life gets in the way of blogging and can certainly put a dent into one’s fun.

I caught a simple enough cold, but unusually, it flattened me. I cancelled my regular activities as I’d rather not infect anyone else, and I had become a pathetic limp lettuce. I quite enjoyed the forced idleness, but was too feeble to do much. And the hot weather and fitful sleep did little to help.

I did have a nice, chilled time with my cross-dressing Spiritual Elf – too hot for any dressing up or beating, but OK for a massage and telly. And I wondered about my sorry state, when I suddenly thought about biorhythms! Were they responsible for my sorry state?

For those who were not around in the seventies or dozed through them – biorhythms were a “thing” for a while and based on the idea that the body cycles through intellectual, physical and emotional phases. I remember reading about Japanese work places giving workers days off when they were having “criticals” – low in all three cycles. Apparently, it was good for production and less accidents. According to the Great God Wiki it is merely a pseudo-science! And I guess like Marks and Sparks providing canteens and hairdressers, looking after your staff can have positive benefits.

I also discovered biorhythms were the brainchild of Wilhelm Fleiss, a 19^th century correspondent with Freud who believed there was a connection between the nose and genitals! So do I – but that will have to go on hold…

Anyway – I remember being intrigued by biorhythms back in the day, and working out how many days old I was so I could work out my biorhythms. I’ve been told that biorhythm calculators were a thing at the time, but I – of course – assumed today there’d be apps – and there are! So – in theory – when I was figuratively on the floor with cold/post-cold exhaustion so were my physical biorhythms! My emotions were in a parlous state, but on the rise and it appeared I was about to reach the heights of my intellectual capacity!

When I caught up with my beloved sub-identifying-but–switchy-polyamorous-lover-etc he was extremely rude about my towering intellect! I have to admit I was having a somewhat dozy time in the brain department during his stay, but a bit of encouragement might have helped…

I don’t believe in biorhythms, but it amuses me to consider them and see if I can spot any correlation – so subjective and as far away as you can get from double blind research, but great fun!

So all-in-all – not a good time for sexual shenanigans! Luckily the heat became more bearable and I slowly recovered, but a weekend as a limp lettuce with my S-I-B-S-P-L-etc was quite pleasant as I tiptoed back into the Land of the Living. We didn’t have the deeper conversation about sub-identities, but we did have another massive decision to make – what to watch, now we’d reached the end of “Bones”! After some soul-searching we chose “ER” – so retro!

And then a good night’s sleep thanks to a sleep mask led to an impressive morning glory of an erection for my S-I-B-S-P-L-etc and it seemed a shame not to do something. We went old-school vanilla and he gave me lots of attention that had me reaching for my trusty bullet as a quick orgasm seemed like a perfect idea. And as usual I was enjoying every stroke, kiss and lick while remembering other stuff he’d done and I’d enjoyed, going back to the unexpected Domm-ing and use of a hazel switch on an otherwise sedate walk. And then imagining being fucked over a fallen tree in another place we’d visited – my Cathedral of Trees…

I was all ready to be fucked, but he had other ideas – his turn for a wank with me talking dirty. It was easy to recall my recent thoughts and enjoy watching him and ordering him to come for me.

And then I turned into a fifties housewife and cooked a roast chicken dinner with stuffing in the chicken – controversial, but sometimes you just have to live dangerously…
Topping from the bottom and wimping from the top

13th Jul 2026

“Topping from the bottom” is a fabulous phrase and concept I picked up in my early days of Internet explorations when I was a possible wannabe spankee or just a curious fantasist and writer of erotica.

It covers some complex ideas. All the “good” folk of BDSMWorld and Spankoland are united in the idea that the bottom/sub/spankee is in control. They decide the limits and “good” Tops/Doms/Spankers accept these and set parameters of what is allowed and what happens. Makes sense so far?

BUT – then there’s talk of growth, pushing boundaries consensual non-consent, persuasion, and taking control. Confused? In the words of “Soap” – you will be! So – of course – like all relationships – there has to be negotiation. And because of the knowledge of the complexities and the equally complicated kink journeys of the individuals – I think kinks have a better track record on boundaries than vanillas. This is a personal view based on anecdotal and personal experience. If you’re about to be hit or tied up, you need to feel safe, build trust and make sure your partner knows what you want and can take. Perfect advice for rock climbing, karate and fabulous vanilla sex too!

So – topping from the bottom – it’s a phrase used – mostly in my experience – negatively. It is used to to criticise a “bottom” trying to over-control the “Top” and their choices in how they deal with the said bottom. They may – for example – be greedy and demanding of attention in what are deemed inappropriate ways or times for their partners. And so be over-controlling of the partnering and activities. I got/get it as a concept. But given that the bottom is said to really be in control I can see the lines can get blurred and confused.

And then one day someone on my Spankoland website came up with the phrase that I believe was “wimping from the top” – apologies for uncertainty, but I am 71 you know, and I’m talking about something I would have read over twenty years ago! Anyway – wimping from the top encapsulated the idea presented that so caught my attention. Basically, if the Top doesn’t take appropriate levels of responsibility for the needs of both themselves and the bottom, the only choice the bottom may feel they have, is to fill the vacuum and commit the “sin” of “topping from the bottom”.

So – of course to prevent sins of inappropriate topping and wimping, communication is key – and here endeth the lesson – go in peace and all that…

So why am I struggling with all this now as a 71 switcheroo working out how to get the best of both worlds and more…

Well – as said – I see myself – in my own words as a mere Domestic Domme when I choose to step up to the plate. I know my lovely sub-dentifying-but –switchypolyamorous-lover-who-I-am-sort-of-dating is really tough in sub mode and gets eye-watering attention from his Mistress. Thoughts of Deep heat and nettles now have me metaphorically swooning and reaching for the smelling salts!

I’d become aware that I may indeed be wimping from the top when I want to dominate him. The whole cock ring and orgasm control think got me really excited, but when it didn’t happen I accepted although there was a niggle… And I really love dominating him. And when it works I love it. But I accepted being merely “spicy vanilla” and not “BDSM” – his definitions.

This is complicated by us meeting mainly in my home where my inner “hostess” clicks in as well as my natural empathy and I am very solicitous to his needs. He too is empathic and caring, but I think my home and gender roles definitely come into play and so I believe he has enjoyed the attentions and privilege of man and guest. I had realised this and we’d addressed it to a point, but I’d only recently thought it was getting in the way of my Domestic Domme desires.

Meanwhile, my very inexperienced subby-cross-dressing-spiritual-elf is having a whale of a time under my L-plated Domestic Domme control… So – time to step fully up to the plate – whatever the hell that bloody means! And of course – yup! – having to have the difficult conversation. So I girded my loins, and pulled up my big-girl-pants and we talked.

And we need more talk – but I understand that my fabulous sub-identifying-etc-lover enjoys persuading, cajoling, ordering and being of service. And he sees himself as wanting to serve and protect and probably so much more I need to get my head around – I didn’t have a notebook handy! And as we talked, he realised he has moved over the years and needs to re-evaluate how he sees himself and what he needs and desires – as do I and probably most of us on our evolutionary travels…

So as well as lovely food and lots of episodes of Bones, I ended up with an amazingly well-Henry’d lounge, hall and kitchen – He’s as pedantic as me and objects to the verb “hoover”! He forgot my conservatory, but my side passage (NOT a euphemism) got it’s first hoovering in over a decade and gives me pleasure and a smile every time I have to traverse it’s No-Man’s-land on my way to the recycling or freezer…

He’s a pretty harsh critic – although very cute naked in an over-sized pinny! – Seems I’m too bossy – It’s hard chucking away the inner wimp and not going overboard I guess… And he’s also taken appropriate charge with his mistress too and spelt out his preferences and desires. All this learning – I’m knackered!
A non-sexy quickie: The joys of radio 4, “Broadcasting House” and Paddy O’Connell

12th Jul 2026
So – if you’re waiting for a non-sexual post to “like” – here you go! It may be lefty and woke though – just like me!

I just love Broadcasting House and the delight that is Mr Paddy O’Connell and today was utterly fabulous.
- We had Peter Hennessy reminding me of Neil Kinnock’s utter decency and rightly informing me of John Major’s decency and humility as well as his own, with his non-fuss plans for bowing out of public life
- I discovered the glorious Sheila Hancock had campaigned for Ruth Ellis’s life at the time of her incarceration and Sheila is also an inspiration as an older woman and advanced skills driver
- I aurally “witnessed” two gay men struggling with empathy and confusion at the difficulty for straight men complimenting women in the supermarket
- I discovered that the age for men to “settle down” was 34 statistically and allegedly, but other viewpoints were expressed and eyebrows metaphorically raised
- I was misinformed that bread is full of sugar – it’s not – but it’s full of starch which has the same effects as sugar
- I was reminded that sugar can bring joy, but research has shown that rationing it may have led to less anxiety!
- And there was a danger and delight at the thought of the programme not ending on time because everyone was having so much fun!
Thank you, Paddy, for another wonderful start to my Sunday!
Spanky Wanky in a sea of community activity and decorum…

3rd Jul 2026

Sadly, I have come to the realisation that documenting every thought that amuses, entertains or transfixes me is an impossibility. Much as I love writing, and the way that it clarifies my thinking and sparks new ideas – it’s bloody time-consuming! And life is for living.

So – I have had a fabulous week of everydaynesses and family company. Today’s deep thought is the after-effects of two chicken pasties and three sausage rolls on an elderly, blind and arthritic dog. The second thought is – never under-estimate elderly, blind and arthritic dogs – especially when they survived as actual scavengers in their early years! Luckily, he just seems just sleepy and oblivious to my swearing…

My last weekend was delightful and decorous – very appropriate for an ageing spinster. It did start with a serious chat about boundaries and expectations, however – always good to check in, I find. Neither of us are especially demanding, but both have busy lives and obligations and we need to know just how this “polyamorous lovers who are sort of dating” is working. It seems to be working fine – so time for taking off our kit and chilling with some episodes of “Bones”. I was impressed that he’d not watched any episodes on his own – seems he’s been distracted by some football. I think the World Cup did just float across my consciousness…

And a visit to The Mumbles was the perfect way to celebrate the end of the heatwave and a pleasant sunny day.

The highlight however, was visiting the open gardens in the Yellow Book scheme and in a local Community Garden Club. We saw amazing and varied gardens, had lots of lovely chat with proud owners and friends from my various decorous activities, and had a ride in a tractor-pulled trailer. It all took so long, we needed the wonderful cuppa and delicious home-made cake that was luckily available in the community hall. Our Sunday lunch was well-delayed, so we were forced to watch more “Bones” – a pretty good Sunday!

My previous weekend with my fabulous “polyamorous lover who I am sort of dating” also seemed pretty decorous. Lots of chilling and “Bones” plus a great combination of meals out and home cooking. I’d had a lovely time and was looking forward to Sunday lunch at a local pub when he decided I needed spanking. Seemed like a good idea to me! And as usual he used practically every tool in my playbox to our mutual fun. And then he decided to get dressed! Now I know he is an absolute gentleman and if I required attention he’s have only been too happy to oblige.

And – as I have said before – spanking/sub/Dom stuff can be as rewarding as sex, and nothing further is required. And sometimes it leads to an itch that would be nice to scratch – and a scratch did seem like a nice idea. So – I thought it was one of those occasions when the sisters could be doing it for themselves, so reached for my trusty vibe. He carried on dressing, but with an enormous grin, and I got a fabulous orgasm and an extra buzz from my “performance” – Decorum can only take you so far!

As said before – I don’t need sex and/or play every time we see each other – but it’s lovely when it happens. And we have a fabulous friendship for which I am so grateful – laughter and companionship along with ease and familiarity are also amazing gifts.
Old farts, new tricks and orgasm control/delayed gratification

24th Jun 2026

So – sometimes time just goes faster than I write. Last week I was wondering about: whether old farts can learn new tricks; stream of consciousness and fantasy; orgasm control and lots of stuff I’d already forgotten!

I think – without protesting too much, we’ve established I’m a spicy vanilla-loving sensualist spankee who’s become switchy and has subby moments but is not a sub.

But the subby thing – so far – only happens with my lovely switchy, sub-identifying lover when he chooses to take control and/or when he gives my breasts a lot of attention.

And last week they were getting so much attention, I was practically on another planet. Usually, I just enjoy it, then get to the point where an orgasm seems a nice idea and between us, we make it happen. Other times I get subby and despite the pleasure and wanting it to continue, he becomes my focus and if he chooses to stop or require attention, that feels unbelievably erotic which has taken getting used to.

My previous spanky relationships made me aware that spanking can be as satisfying as sex, can lead to sex or can be enough. After all – the brain is the second biggest sex organ – I consider skin to have pride of place for size,* but the brain is the most powerful.

I’m aware of orgasm control as a “thing”/kink, but had no interest on being on the receiving end of such control, although it is on my SSIL’s little list…

So – back to my greedy breasts and amazing attention they were receiving. As the attention had me in a subby-ish place I asked permission to use my lovely bullet vibe and he agreed. And it was fabulous. And then he said “Stop!” and I did and it was unbelievably sexy. And I was given permission to continue, until ordered to stop and I complied and the game continued, until I was given permission to come.

It was seriously hot for me, andseemed to have a positive effect on him as well, as he had a very impressive erection, and then it was his turn to make himself come – all over the both of us at my instigation, which I duly rubbed in and we were ready for Sunday lunch!

* Just a thought – I think unravelled brains are huge, so may win on size as well!
Heatwave tips…

24th Jun 2026

Nudity and cool baths – good idea to draw curtains/pull blinds…

Always have your phone with you in the bathroom, but don’t have phone calls on the loo!!!
Why sleeping on your Dominatrix’s cage floor is just like football…

21st Jun 2026

Sort of!

This from the woman who thinks that bird watching and bungee jumping is just like sex and the over fifties – not for all, but age shouldn’t be the barrier to anything you fancy doing.

So – my lovely sub-identifying, switchy lover who I’m sort of dating spent Friday night with his Dominatrix – in a cage! It wasn’t exactly a plan – she was due out of hospital and needed driving home and support. As I was expecting to spend time with him, I had to gird my loins/pull up my big-girl pants/be a reasonable human being. As he pointed out – he’d do the same for me.

So in fair exchange for his help and support, his Mistress allowed him to sleep in her cage! He did have a sleeping bag – only reasonable as he is a mere whipper-snapper in his sixties – and he arrived at mine looking the worse for wear the following day!

The cage was one of his fantasies, and this was the perfect opportunity – so they took it. I thought it was really funny, and it reminded me why I know I am so not a sub, despite passing limited subby fantasies and desires. But I do “get” it and can see the attraction, if one is of that mindset. It’s part of the great “Your Thing, Not My Thing, But OK” understanding and acceptance of the marvellous diversity of kink.

And so to football. I absolutely didn’t get the obsession, the tribalism and/or total passion and saw certain behaviour as beyond the pale. The I read Nick Hornby’s “Fever Pitch”. I’m not convinced that how he and others act is appropriate, but not my business. And I can understand why they act and feel as they do and feel some empathy while also finding it hard to get – just like a Mistress’s cage floor!

I am very happy for all of us to get our pleasure and satisfaction where we can, so long as we do no harm to others – unless they ask nicely!
Cliffhangers – Situationship and painful sex

17th Jun 2026

As usual, when I’ve not blogged for a while, I have a headful of stuff I’ve been thinking about. Like: can old farts learn new tricks?; stream of consciousness and fantasy; orgasm control and lots of stuff I’ve now forgotten!

But sat back here at my computer I am reminded of my earlier “notes to self” and open-ended situations/cliffhangers, so here goes!

Situationship – I left my subby cross-dressing spiritual elf not tied to the rail tracks in classic melodramatic style but in possible danger of exploitation… So – he really liked her, had been honest, liked what was on offer but wasn’t sure what she wanted… he did ask the question – and it was exclusivity.

Meanwhile, he seemed to be getting more into “carer” role, was getting more home cooking and she had an attic he could rent off her for his exclusive use…

When we first met up again, one of the first things he told me was that he needed to live on his own for a while and not leap into a full-on relationship. And in fairness, he did remember this. I suspect the home cooking and being needed were quite seductive, but the attic with his possible financial exploitation and likely caring expectations also helped to give him a reality check about a woman he’d only known a fortnight.

Because he’s said he would visit, she had cooked for him and wanted to know when he was arriving when I saw him as he was struggling with a decision. I have to admit; this was one of the few times that ending a “relationship/situationship” by text seemed the kindest and most sensible response. And so it ended.

Painful sex – I am not into algolagnia – love of, or sexual stimulation from physical pain, since you ask… When I need labels to describe my “kink” I’ve thought of myself as a spankee rather than a masochist or a sub, as for me, it’s all about spanking. And – as said before – this includes the use of implements but only on the one part of my body. Recently I have discovered a limited but definite subby side, but enough to surprise me. And I have also unleashed my surprising but limited Domestic Domme/Goddess, but that’s not the issue here.

So – I am a wimp. If you’re not smacking my bottom, I am pathetic. I hate discomfort and feel every ache after sitting on a less than perfect seat or not getting a good night’s sleep. And if you are the perfect spanker – just don’t ask me to “assume the position”, unless it is an exceptionally comfortable one. I am not the “Princess and the Pea”, but I suspect I could give her a run for her money. Give me a friendly poke, or squeeze my arm a little tightly, and you won’t hear the end of it!

But painful sex is quite a turn on. Not anything horrendous – just a little discomfort and tightness, that soon passes.

I suspect I have weird hormones, as possibly mentioned before – easy periods, no noticeable menopause and a fanny that fires on all cylinders when sex is on the cards – not bragging, just explaining the background. Also – as said – I’m purely clitoral and don’t get vaginal orgasms. Beyond the odd attempt out of curiosity, I’ve not been tempted to stick objects up myself, but I do find fucking extremely sexy and I do love the feel of a penis inside me.

An unprepared-for quickie is an exciting idea but nowadays any fucking is usually after some attention or play and I am happy to say that my lovely responsive fanny salivates in anticipation. It fails however, to send a message to its walls, and they often seem ready to repel invaders – although they become more welcoming fairly quickly and seem to forget what the fuss was about! I don’t know if the area becomes engorged due to excitement or orgasm, but it does definitely seem to narrow – as confirmed by my delicious invaders!

So – penetration is often challenging, but feels very sexy, and manageably painful. It doesn’t last beyond the initial foray, where my whole “lady parts” get with the programme, relax and enjoy the ride.

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