The Spinster's Exploits

It was a day with my SCDSE that got me thinking about “origin stories” as he’s given his history a lot of thought.

He is a bratty, mischievous rule-breaker in life and play. He probably has ADHD, and may be bipolar – he has trouble concentrating and has mood swings and can be self-destructive, but is genuinely trying to cope and rebuild his life. He is also playful, kind, artistic, open and thoughtful, although chaos, often lurks…

We were having a day out exploring the bays of West Wales to celebrate his birthday and he was musing on why he was what he was. He has early memories of wanting to wear women’s clothing and as a child planned to have his own place so he could do so. His father was complex – domineering and believing in “real men”, while wanting to break rules, be everyone’s friend and live a supposed hippy life style, while his family tip-toed around him. His mother was a rule-giver, which my friend undermined where-ever he could.

He sees his sissification and subbiness as a reaction to the “real man” ideal – become a woman instead. He is aware that he rebels in his submissiveness, but hadn’t connected it with his attitude to his mother. And was curious about his attitude to power and had a lightbulb moment about staying in control while giving over control. Because – as the boundary-setter – the sub is usually acknowledged as the person with most power in a sub/Dom/me dynamic.