The Spinster's Exploits

You may have noticed – I have a bit of a thing about attitudes to older women and assumptions about their sexuality. And sadly – in our society “older” starts at the perimenopause!

So – I was listening to the Welsh news and discovered that in Wales there are women going through the menopause, and realising that testosterone can help. It was said in an almost embarrassed aside that it is used to enhance the libido, but God forbid that that was why they wanted it!

It was all about the women feeling like their “normal selves”.  And why not? If something gives you back your feeling of being who you really are and gets rid of horrid and unwanted symptoms and feelings – great!  And that was the focus of the story – women feeling like their “old selves” and nothing about sex or libido.

But why can’t feeling sexy/horny/desirable/moist also be “who they are” for some women?! It doesn’t have to all stop at the menopause.

I am fully aware that some are more than happy to leave their sexuality/libido behind, and that’s great. I’m all for asexuality as a choice. But some women – like some men enjoy having a sex-drive, and it makes them feel their true authentic selves. And that should be acknowledged and encouraged.

I think for some “not going gentle into that good night” and raging “against the dying of the light” can be about our libidos as well as ageing and death. I can live happily without sex and have done so, due to circumstances, rather than an active choice. But I just feel that being sexually active makes me feel more complete. For me – libido is “the force through the green fuse” that “drives the flower”. Unlike some – including I suspect Dylan himself – I have never felt a hostage to my sexuality, so lack the more negative elements of the force.

My favourite analogy of sex is that of the wild goat. On – I believe – Valentine’s Day, 2018, I caught the end of something on Radio 4 about older people and sex. According to a woman (who I think was playing Devil’s advocate) we of a certain age should be finding pleasure in quality alcohol and being relieved to be untethered from the wild goat of our sexuality.

While I can enjoy delicious food, sunsets and a good book – though not all at once – I believe it’s also fabulous to still be semi-tethered at any age. So – I like to see myself in a loose bondage situationship with my personal wild goat of sexuality.